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Topic: A family has a great influence on children's development..


Fanger2002 1 / -  
Oct 2, 2018   #1

cherishing and teaching - ideal person for a child



it is true that the publishing affects on children's growth a lot. however, I would argue that the kids are more affected by their parents, siblings and relative.

on the one hand, social media is dramatically developed nowadays, so the kids access to them is inevitable. from education, health services to politics, entertainments are available on television, news, internet. moreover, all of the online information is free as well as the access is not very strict, the children able to discover by themselves and might get several drawbacks. For instance, they learn from wrong information or unauthorized resources, which causes negative awareness. By contrast, if the kids acquire a great picture or generous activities, the shape of judicious things will come to their mind.

on the other hand, there are many reasons why the family has an enormous impact on their children's mature process. Firstly, children spend almost of their childhood times with their parents, every first lesson which the adult teach them is vital. for example, if the infants are oriented to be a kind person, a generous person they will grow up in this way somehow. Secondly, the way a family treat them will be one of the important things how the children will become. for instance, a child is punished by hitting from their parents is more stubborn than the one who is amonished by a slight verbal explanation.

in conclusion, from my point of view, the parents should be an ideal person for their children, cherishing and teaching them to be a nice person in the future
Teebest - / 7 3  
Oct 2, 2018   #2
This can could be written as: ... developed nowadays, so the kids access ...

From the beginning of your second paragraph, you can to make it flow. You can put the second sentence as first, follow by the first sentence and then the third sentence follows.

Try to restructure the second point of your third paragraph and also when you are giving an instances, it better to start with "if"


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