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Topic: instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a to coexist, Agree or Disagree


luctuantu1990 1 / -  
Jan 3, 2020   #1
Dear all,

I am a new member for this EssayForum and get stuck with IELTS writing test, my objective is 7.0 in writing. Could some masters help to take a look at my essay. thank in advance.

climate change issue



In recent decades, it is a belief that combating climate change is crucial, while others propose that humans should coexist with it. Although there are reasons to support the coexistence, combating climate change should always be prioritized for certain roots.

Some proponents of the coexistence claim that by preventing climate change, the governments and societies will be required to allocate a high number of budgets, potentially posing a financial burden for them, especially for developing nations. For instance, in order to invest into water filtration system to prevent water pollution as a result of global warming, the Governments have to allocate around 5% of total incomes to construct and maintain, causing insufficient budgets for other essential fields, such as education and healthcare system. However, the belief is totally unjustified. While coexistence could release the monetary burden in the short-term, the long-term impacts would be more disastrous. If no action is taken, millions of human lives can be lost due to the side effects of global warming, such as floods or droughts, which has caused much more severe results that humankind cannot afford.

Moreover, humanity needs to take steps to combat climate change since it is human responsibility. First, nations have posed climate change, especially developing ones, as a result of industrialization. As a matter of fact, by building factories and infrastructures, developing countries have devastated their ecosystems to find resources, such as fossil fuels and building materials, which aid them to develop their countries quickly but at the expense of environment, therefore, they have to take the role to resolve the caused problem. Second, since environmental pollution leads to animal extinction, the cost of climate change is immensely expensive for humans. Because of losing natural habitats replaced by human cities and buildings, animals will disappear, which will disrupt human food chains and, certainly, pose broad famine that can be seen in Africa nowadays.

In conclusion, while coexistence with climate change can release the short-term crisis for nations, preventing climate change and its effects is always viable for humans to undermine potential disastrous results. To solve the problem, the collaboration between governmental and private sectors is inevitable.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,902 2173  
Jan 11, 2020   #2
Your thesis paragraph, also known as paragraph one, tends to be confusing to read due to the problematic sentence structure. It lacks a degree of clarity that would help the examiner fully grasp what you are trying to say. Since a question has been posed in this essay, your final sentence should present your response to it as a personal opinion. Let me show you what I mean:

In recent decades, it is a belief that combating climate change is crucial, while others propose that humans should coexist with it. Although there are reasons to support the coexistence, combating climate change should always be prioritized for certain roots.

- The past decades have seen the development of a discussion regarding climate change. Is it crucial that we develop ways and means of combating environmental changes or, should we simply learn to live with it? I believe that we should do our best to defeat climate change.

Please note how my example highlights my ability to use word variations, which will help to increase the vocabulary score. Every sentence also has a clear topic trigger / subject which allows the examiner to fully understand what the main discussion point of my thesis presentation is. I also used a topic sentence at the end that could easily serve as the transition sentence for the next paragraph.

Additionally, if you wish to count out your discussion reasons, make sure to use one count per paragraph. While I do not advise counting out the reasons as it prevents one from actually developing each topic idea, you should know that a separate full discussion of each topic is the best way to get a good score. They are looking for well developed themes in every paragraph, not just a mix-match of ideas that don't make full sense when read.


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