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IELTS writing the topic is about laws and society

michele 1 / -  
Mar 20, 2017   #1
the society is based on rules and laws. the society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they want. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Society without Laws

Laws refer to the rules imposed on people. Although legislation is important to regulate people's behaviors, l believe that it can restrict people's freedom.

If some society members obey the laws, then it can help society avoid some violence and develop economy. For example, if people do not obey the traffic rules, the accidents will increase, also the traffic jam will become a problem. If people who sell fake products cannot punished by the laws, then consumer not dare to buy products and also have a bad influence on economy.

People can live in a peaceful and closely-knit society to enjoy their lives. However, sometimes they may motivated by self-interest and do things which can hurt others. If they obey the laws and social rules, then they will respect others, which can lead a peaceful life. For instance, people will disturb others' working when talking through the mobile phones.

However, sometimes laws will inevitably restrain people's freedom and even hamper the development of society. For example, if a country pose many restrains on business, the business activity will be less active. If the high income earners subject to higher income taxes, they don't have motivations to make great efforts to improve their income. Government should relax regulations and encourage innovations, which is beneficial to society.

It is reasonable to conclude that society cannot run effectively without laws. Although laws cannot allow people to act at will, the main purpose of laws is to create a peaceful society.

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Mar 20, 2017   #2
Michele, you misunderstood the prompt requirement. You were being asked to agree or disagree to a certain extent with the statement being provided. What you ended up discussing instead, was the purpose of law. The opening paragraph should have contained an appropriate paraphrasing of the prompt topic, as well as your position on the discussion reflecting either an extent of agreement or disagreement with the topic. Since you failed to paraphrase the prompt accurately, you automatically failed the task accuracy portion of the essay. It is this misunderstanding that led you to ultimately, discuss the wrong stance on the topic as well. This resulted in a score of 3, indicating a lack of comprehension of the topic instructions on your part.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Mar 20, 2017   #3
Hi Michele,
I have read your writing closely and found some you have to improve. Please, meet my notes and deal with them.
Unfortunately, you will be penalized because you did not meet the important requirement in the writing task 2. In this essay, you are supposed to write at least 250 words and you failed. Pay attention to this circumstance because that can reduce your score in an actual test. For your contents, you have missed the essential element. Reviewers could not find your position about that issue. There is nothing for thesis statement although that is paramount to answer prompts of the question. Honestly, you could not obtain a high score in this essay.

Turning to your body paragraph, your flow is not good enough. Its reason is because your example did not relate to your view, even can confuse readers. Honestly, what you reviewed is different with what the question asked. Please, you keep your relating topic to answer the question well.

Hopefully, those can hep to finalize this essay

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