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Writing Feedback   Posts: 4

Topic: Life in the city. "150-200 words"


Nieo 1 / 2  
Feb 26, 2019   #1

CITY LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL


please check for me grammar errors, ideas, repeating words whether this is descriptive paragraph or not if not what kind of paragraph i am writing . Topic sentences, controlling idea, conclusion,... Thanks for your advice.

City is beautiful in many ways,i love the way how its look and how it operates. With some people, they dont like the hustle and bustle of life in the city but to me i like something which is lively and energetic. As you know, life in city is not easy at all. People have to work hard to make their livings, city's citizens nearly busy all the time, which may be the reasons why city is always bustling and lively even at night. Street light with Appearing of new buildings, shopping mall and entertainment center beautify the city that's the reasons why i like the vibrant pace at night in the city. Being busy all the time, but life in city is super convenient, everything is nearby, Infrastructure and facilities are mordern, you also have many opportunities. People here maybe the most important element, i like the way people work and behave. They work hard in industrial style but still helpful when other people need help, some people are sometimes selfish and heartless that you have to careful. It is indisputable that living in city is not easy at all, people have to deal with many problems such as pressure from work, deception, competition and many other things. Maybe these things make city life more interesting.To sum up, life in city sometimes difficult but its still beautiful and attractive.
Holt - / 7,651 1998  
Feb 27, 2019   #2
Quynh, you have written 230 words, which puts the essay right in the middle of the word requirement. Good job. That will certainly help you with your writing exercises. The more you write, the better you will get. However, you made several errors in the essay ranging from spelling to grammar and vocabulary choice. Let's asses where the mistakes were made and how to correct them.

With regards to your writing skills, I am not sure if you are doing a written or typewritten exercise. The electronic submission you created showed that you sometimes forgot to his the space bar between words and after a period. This creates a problem when reading your work as the lack of spacing makes it difficult to decipher the word at first glance. Always remember to hit the space bar after every word and punctuation mark for clarity purposes. You should also learn to recognize when to use a comma to place a pause between related sentences. In this essay, you created long sentences that needed to be separate either by a period or a comma. You also did the opposite in some instances and used commas instead of periods, which formed run-on sentences for the reader. Avoid combining two or more ideas in one sentence as it takes away from the clarity of your writing.

When you use contractions, remember to use the apostrophe to connect the two cut words to create a new word such as "do not" = "don't". This was an error you made a few times in this essay as well. If you are writing academically, it would be better to use both words rather than the contraction fro formality sake.

The letter I is always capitalized as it refers to a first person pronoun. Most of the other problems with your presentation relate to your spelling. I guess you were just a bit careless which is why "modern" was spelled as "modenr" in this presentation.

Overall, the work shows that you have the potential to become a fluid English writer. You just need more practice and you have to learn about the advanced English writing rules to help boost the quality of your work. Good job.
OP Nieo 1 / 2  
Feb 27, 2019   #3
Thanks for your advice.
OP Nieo 1 / 2  
Feb 27, 2019   #4
+ i love the way how it looks
+ make their livings
+ city's citizen are nearly busy all the time.
+ i like the way how people work and behave.
+ that you have to be careful/take care
Hope you can check for me whether what i found is my errors or not. Thanks so much.



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