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Short essay, topic: what can you do to make the school greener?

posoohyun 1 / 1  
May 5, 2019   #1
Nowadays, a variety of environmental problems affect our entire world. Protecting the environment is really imperative. Each of students hold the key to the future of environment and it is easy for us to make the world greener by a lot of little steps. And making our school clean is firstly target we must complete before making environments cleaner. In my book we can have many ways to do this. First we can put many recycling bins around the schoolyard and every floor in order to enhance the sense of each student of saving environment. Second We can plant a school garden because School Garden is not only provides classes and vegetables for school meals, plus gardening help student get much needed outdoor time. It kill two birds with one arrow. Next, instead of hundreds of hundreds of form and information packets each year, We can take them into electronic forms because it's not rather costly and moreover we can reduce a great number of trees will be cut each year. Finally, making the school greener is the only the business of each person but also the things which the people living in the whole world must do.

(Thank u )

Maria - / 1,100 389  
May 5, 2019   #2
Watch out for the forms of verb that you use.

Evade using terms that are repetitive or synonymous to each other. This creates overbearing sentence structures when you could have opted for simpler content.

Don't capitalize unnecessary terms not unless they are proper nouns and/or acronyms. You can always look up what words need to be capitalized and which do not.

Use synonymous words that would help you create a specific tone that is appropriate for your essay.

Let's revise.

Environmental issues affect the world. This has made environmental protection imperative. Each student holds the key to the future; it is part of our responsibility to make a greener world with little steps. [...]

Notice how I had trimmed and cut down your first sentence through making it more straightforward. This is a concise manner of approaching essay writing; and I would argue is better when you're writing academically. Furthermore, I also had changed the forms of certain words to create consistent wording.

Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck.
OP posoohyun 1 / 1  
May 5, 2019   #3
Thank u so much . Those things are really useful for me. I cant do anything except say thanks to u.
Krystal318 8 / 18 2  
May 6, 2019   #4
You should remember to add a comma after your transitional words (First, Second,...)

I rewrite one of your sentence like this:

" ...we could turn ... forms, for it is not so costly ... "

... conjunctions for to connect clause ...

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