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IELTS topic- reduction in traffic jam by decrease in travel from home to other areas


ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Apr 23, 2012   #1
Hi guys, I prepared an essay with a topic which has been written below. I was wondering if you would mind reviewing it for me and I welcome your ideas.

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, educatin or shopping. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

These days the size and population of cities are haphazardly growing up and, therefore, many big cities may encounter various problems, including traffic jam. As a result, authorities are seeking for a way to decline this problem. Some say, one effective solution for reducing level of traffic is decrease in travels from home to different parts of a city such as universities, shopping centers, etc. For my perspective, though, this is not an appropriate way since it has negative effects on economy of a city. These viewpoints will be argued in this essay and the possibility of them will be considered.

A group of people believe that reduction in traffic in a city is not achievable unless structure of that city to be changed. They think today's cities have an important problem called "zoning". Zoning is applied to a condition in which various parts of cities such as hospitals, universities, shopping malls, and the like, are located in the distinct areas. Consequently, individuals have to travel from their home to different districts for diverse purposes. One solution is distribution of these parts in all cities' areas. In this circumstance people do not require to leave their neighborhood for shopping, or working. In fact, this strategy needs to structure of a city considerably change.

Some others, however, think that this solution is not possible in practice. In other words, what was stated above requires a new city to be built, and it is not an economical way. In fact,there are other solutions which are viewed as cheaper ways. First one is evolution of public transportation systems. It is shown that one of the most important reasons why traffic jam increases in big cities is individual transportation growth. Another way can be a reduction in the rate of immigration from one city to a bigger city. Many believe that immigration is the main factor which creates overpopulated cities with high level of traffic. With regard to the issue concerning decline in immigration rate and, therefore, traffic jam, governments should allocate more budget for ameliorating life quality in all cities of their countries. Thus, public transportation and immigration can be considered as more imperative elements with respect to traffic reducing.

In my view, the role of financial difficulties for reducing the number of travels in a city is hard to ignore. This strategy is followed by producing new infrastructural constructions which needs great budgets.This difficulty is enough to make this opinion unpractical. However, I think the second viewpoint which was mentioned above is more reasonable and many counties are considering it.

To sum up, it is thought that if structures of cities to be changed in a way through which people's need for traveling throughout the cities decrease, the traffic jam problem in metropolises would be eradicated. While, financial problems are the main obstacles against this attitude that make it impossible in action.
lynnyang 5 / 12  
Apr 24, 2012   #2
ah_zafari
Hi zafari,thanks a lot for your ideas about my essay. Your essay is pretty good and has lots of ideas.
My grammer is not very good, so I am not able to help u in this part.
but i can give u some suggestions about your structure.
The structure you used seems to be suitable for the "Disscuss both views and give your opinion" but this one is "To what extend do you agree or disagree' so you'd better change the first sentence of each main paragraph.

For eg: Some others, however, think that this solution is not possible in practice.
However,this solution is not possible in practice.--This is your point of you,do not use "others "
you can compare different types of essays on Cambridge IELTS Student Books,then you can see the structure very clearly..
Hope this can help you ^^
BR
Lynn
OP ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Apr 24, 2012   #3
Hi Yangfan, I really glad that my suggestions about your essay were useful. Thank you very much for your concerning and your valuable comments. In fact, this topic is a subject from "IELTS practice test plus 2". At that book the structure that has been used is similar to what I wrote. But what you said is reasonable, and I try to consider your suggestions for my future essays.

Thanks again and I hope that this relation between you and me for improving our proficiency in writing to be continued.
Regards
A. Zafari


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