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Topic relates with recycling system, could you check up my essay? Is that appropriate?


Nurislam1404 1 / 1  
Jul 31, 2018   #1
Some people claim that not enough of the waste form homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

recycling is beneficial



Below my IELTS essay
There is a large volume of published studies describing the role of recycling. It is definite that, reccyled products have become an essential part of our life. Today people are beginning to realize that, insuficient litters are recycled in our society and it is government's obligation to make it a legal requirement. Personally, I totally agree with this statement, in the following essay I will demonstrate points.

Frist of all, it is well known that, process of recycling consumes less energy and save a raw material. What I mean is, to increase recycling products government should adjust to make it legal. For example, statistic shows that, in Australia plastic bottles, paper and cans are recycled about 80% in comprison with other countries and they spend less energy and effort to produce products again. What is more, all for this process government in charge in order to rise efficiency of recycled goods. Therefore, useless materials can be helpful and productive for residents as well as governments.

On the other hand, it can be argued that, increasing of recycling products may have poor-quality. To explain it further, product which is recycled several times might lose some special materials in order to be as initial phase. For instance, researchers in China confirm that, glasss which is recycled second time can lose first quality and can be more fragile. In this case, government no need to make it compulsory amongst people.

In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that, recycling is beneficial and has many advantages and government can be infuencial in order to grow productivity of recycling process.

PaulthePhoenix 4 / 16  
Jul 31, 2018   #2
Hi Nurislam, hope you are studing well.
I have some comments on this essay, firstly, pay close attention to the words (frist - first, comprison - comparison, glasss- glasses, reccycled - recycled). It is such a pity if your point get dedcuted for errors like that

- Task response: if you are totally agree with the idea, you don't have to state the disadvantages of the trend.
- Grammar: You can adjust some phrase to be more formal (What I mean is - In my opinion/From my standpoint etc..What is more - In addition, Furthermore, all for this process government in charge in order to ... - this process also play a key role in raising the efficiency of recycle goods.). My advice is that you should try to use complex sentence by combining several into ones using relative clauses. Connection devices (in addition, fu is also a great tools to express ideas clearer

- Lexical resource: You could diversify your choice of word by learning more vocab on the topic.
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Aug 1, 2018   #3
Nurislam, an extent essay is normally written from a single point of view because you are to defend only the stance that you agree with in the essay. That comprises a 4 paragraph essay. However, in your presentation, you decided to portray a partial agreement and disagreement with the given prompt. So you cannot say that you totally agree with the statement. Instead, your response should have been "I partially agree" in order to allow yourself to develop a 4-5 paragraph essay that does a comparison discussion of the given topic.

I have to caution you though that when it comes to writing a "partial agreement" essay, you could lose time trying to think of reasons as to why you partially agree with the statement owing to how you need to defend both stances / opinions in the essay. With a limited time allotment for the development of your response, a direct single opinion essay is usually the best bet in terms of giving you the opportunity to perfect your content before submitting the essay. That is because you only need to think in a one-track minded way where you focus only on the defense of a single opinion. Which is where the time management issues come in.

BTW, in your concluding summary, you should have indicated a repeat of your opinion and a clear statement that says the government is responsible for making sure that laws are enacted to coax more people to recycle their home waste products.
OP Nurislam1404 1 / 1  
Aug 2, 2018   #4
@Holt
@PaulthePhoenix
Thanks for your feedbacks, exactly I have to use realtive clauses.


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