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IELTS,ESSAY with topic Relationship between different countries

renlyso 4 / 18  
Nov 6, 2012   #1
I'm gonna take the test in next few days, I would highly appreciate ur valuable comments on it, THX :)

Some people claim that in modern world, good relationship between different countries is more important than before. To what extant do u agree or disagress?

When it comes to the discussion about whether harmonizing relationship between different countries today becomes more significant than before, people hold various kinds of views. It is high time for us to review the truth behind this issue.

On one side of the picture, some proponents reason that collaboration between countries in modern world is quiet crucial because of the promotion of economic globalization and the song of anti-war. I suppose the importance of good relationship play more dominant role than a century before. Specifically, with the pace of economic globalization, which aims to flourish the economy of entire world, each country is willing, even be force, to keep friendly toward the global market. Apparently, those countries benefit from this revolution of the whole world. The production efficiency, for instant, has been enhanced since the increasing competition pushes it and the advanced technologies benefit it. In addition, the result of economic globalization makes the fund in market runs into superior investment. With regard to anti-war, the majority of individuals call for peace today. Nothing is more adorable than peace for people in the period of postwar. Therefore, the harmonizing relationship not only improves the economy, but also keeps the world from wartime.

On the other side of the picture, though a number of critics argue that cooperation among countries was important in the last century as well and that it is the cognition of cooperation that raised the economic globalization, we can clearly find that the relationship between country to country gets better that before and that the hope of mutual communication between countries is stronger.

All in all, I suppose that good relationship between countries gets more crucial than before.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 7, 2012   #2
Hi : )

Let's take ur intro:

When it comes to the discussion about whether harmonizingharmonious relationships between different countries today becomesplay a more significant role than before, people hold various kinds ofdifferent views. It is high time for us to review the truth behind this issue .

Your topic asks you whether you agree or disagree. So you need to state your opinion in the introduction that would help navigate the reader in your desired direction. The general statements like the last sentence you have written (i have striked it off) do not add much value for your essay. So state your opion in the intro itself. It is even better if you can briefly introduce the reasons to the reader in the intro itself. Just have a look at this sample intro:

Some people believe that the importance of maintaining cordial relationships between countries has become much more significant in the modern world unlike in the previous eras. I too hold this opinion for the reason that countries today are no more isolated due to heavy effects of globalization that can cause adverse consequences if the nations do not possess good relationships with one another.

Your first body para is not well organized. My advice for you is to pick one reason to say why you hold your opinion. Let's take it as economic reasons for this essay. Then tell the reader how bad relationships disturb the economies of the countries. Or how countries can prosper economically having good relationships. Give one example to this reason.

Pay more attention to the essay structure and managing time! I recommend reading some of the good essays written for similar tasks that you find in this forum to get the knack of this structure. Also these are common topics and you may be able to pick points to prepare for this task:

OP renlyso 4 / 18  
Nov 7, 2012   #3
Thanks dumi~ ur suggestion is really helpful!!!
bigbang15101990 1 / 1  
Nov 7, 2012   #4
Hi, I think your essay has a not very good structure.
You should plan your essay carefully before writing. you can find some very helpful advices on simon-ielts blog. Just Google it :)
OP renlyso 4 / 18  
Nov 7, 2012   #5
Thanks!!! I too think that structure is one of my bigest problems...

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