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The essay topic: It is said that children need time to rest than just focus on studying.

Sep 18, 2021   #1

Children must learn instead of playing

It is worrying that children spending a lot of time studying instead of playing or exercising, and this can not be denied that just focusing on studying will make children tired. To be cleared, their bones will have pains, their mind is distracted, and their lives are threatened.

To begin with the first effect, It so harmful if we sit to study for a long time without other movements, according to experts, our veins can not work normally, and with backbone, it will become vulnerable when the spine has to prop up our body. If we study with a firm posture for a long time, it is tough for the development of bones. So, we must stand up and walk around after thirty minutes of studying.

Secondly, our mind is thrown off if we do not allow the brain to rest. In many countries, studying all day is a trend for students, because they believe that trying harder will get achievements easily, and parents always approve their children work through the day by day. The fact is that the more we study, the more the brain is tired because our mind is filled fully. Let the mind is reset, we will feel refresh and work more effectively.

Thirdly, children said that they can not "breath" cause of depression. They want more time to spend on other activities, except studying. We can not ignore what children saying because this is the main reason why many students choose suicide as a fleeing way nowadays. We have to listen to children carefully and deal with them occasionally.

In conclusion, achieving accomplishments in studying is necessary, but the development of children's mental physical conditions is more vital. We should remember that when children have a place to play, have time to rest, reset their minds, have their personal space, they will work effectively. Let children be themselves, not a studying machine.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,753 3795  
Sep 19, 2021   #2
The prompt restatement is confusing. The writer is combining unrelated ideas in the presentation sentences, leaving the reader confused.The thought process is difficult to follow. Do not use run-on sentences. Seperate the idea sentences to create a coherent paraphrasing of the original. The opinion statement suffers from the same problems. It does not create a cohesive introduction and thesis paragraph.

Do not use more than 2 reasoning paragraphs in the presentation. The writing format is that of an opinion essay rather than a comparative discussion. Build the clarity and convincing evidence in 2 paragraphs. These paragraphs all have room for improvement. Develop the reasons, that is what you get scored on.

Home / Writing Feedback / The essay topic: It is said that children need time to rest than just focus on studying.