IELTS WRITING TASK 2 ( Topic: science & research)

Task 2:

Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies.

Do you agree or disagree?

Here is my essay:
It is not uncommon to see private organizations conduct scientific research these days. However, some people believe that national authorities should perform and manage this instead of private ones. Personally, I assume both of these institutions are capable of carrying out research effectively.

On the one hand, governmental institutions are experts in conducting science-related research due to numerous reasons, evidently. It is not an exaggeration to say governments have dominated the scientific industry with the professional workforce and the huge budget over the last decades. Many brilliant scientists desire to work for governments and they have contributed remarkably to science such as finding a cure for several illness thanks to their intelligence.Therefore, governmental scientific staff is the most experienced workforce compared to private companies' ones in conducting scientific research. Also, this is a financially-demanding activity due to the huge budget needed for performing scientific examinations however national authorities can afford it. For example, America has invested billions of dollars in exploring the space since the last century. In terms of medicine, Viet Nam has spent millions of dollars on finding a cure for cancer although the result seems not to be positive yet. On the whole, scientific industry requires both brains and money but governments are able to handle it.

On the other hand, private companies are also a good option to carry out research. Firstly, numerous corporations have experts and huge budget as governments do to do research. In fact, these institutions has played an important role in making the world better with their significant scientific achievements. For instance, Dong Phuong, which is the most reputable medical corporation in Viet Nam, invented the solution for disable people a few years ago. The scientists of the company created an effective treatment for those who can not walk or move by themselves. The process of producing the solution costed an arm and a leg, also required a number of expert doctors and scientists, but they still made it. Secondly, non-govenmental institutions taking parting in carrying out research do deter monopoly, which is a perfect solution to boost the economics. For instance, according to a report of " Viet Nam economics newspaper ", Dong Phuong corporations has paid the tax of billions of Viet Nam Dong to contribute to the country. If there were no private companies joining in science, everything would be much worse economically.

In general, scientific should be conducted by everyone, no matter if it is a non or a governmental institutions.
Could you guys please tell me if I can get 7.0 with this :(

Since this is the first essay that you have written for this task, I will be able to tell you that no, you cannot score a 7 with this type of writing. There are just too many errors in the presentation that will affect your final score in a downward manner. Let's start with the basics.

You have only 40 minutes to complete this task. There is no way you can write 394 words within that time frame. Be realistic. Use a timer next time you write an essay. Learn to allow time for the following procedures:

- Outline the task discussion points
- Write a draft of the essay
- Review the content, adjusting the content where required
- Edit the work to remove any grammar and sentence structure errors
- Make sure you are satisfied with the final outcome before you submit the essay

All of these procedures need to be completed within 40 minutes. So there is no way you can write almost 400 words. Aim for the more realistic goal of 275-290 words. That will leave you with just enough time to complete all the other perfection tasks required to complete the essay.

Double check your spelling. The term is non-governmental, not non-govenmental. You do not need to use a hyphen for certain words. References such as "financially demanding" do not require a hyphen between the words. Review your subject - verb agreement rules. Say "... these institutions HAVE", not has. Also, there is no word such as "can not". That, is a single word written as "cannot". Avoid double negations such as not uncommon by saying uncommon instead.

I will not score this essay. I would like to reserve that for your second try at task 2 writing. Aim for a short but well explained essay. Based on this presentation, I am sure you can do that. When I feel the time is right, I will give you a score for your essay. For now, let's work on getting the format for the presentation right.

@Holt
I really appreciate your answer. So valuable to me. Thank you so much.

Some grammatical and spelling mistakes:

-THE governmental scientific staff
-THE scientific industry
-.. and A huge budget
-these institutions HAVE played
-solution for DISABLED people a
- the solution COST an arm and a leg, also
-Secondly, non-GOVERNMENTAL
- corporations HAVE paid