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IELTS topic. Smoking tobacco, like other dangerous drugs, should be made illegal.


y0_3mma 19 / 28 6  
Apr 8, 2012   #1
This is my 3rd essay and I hope you could give me some feedback, grammar corrections and an IELTS score, please. Thank you!
Smoking tobacco, like other dangerous drugs, should be made illegal. Agree or disagree?

Because of their negative effects on people's health and behaviour, many drugs like heroin, cocaine or marijuana have been made illegal. However, athough many believe smoking tobacco is a harmless habit, I think it should be also forbidden.

Firstly, it can be clearly seen that the number of teenagers who took up smoking has almost doubled. This bad habit seen in seductive advertising campaigns, at other friends or even at their own parents stirs adolescents' curiosity and interest. What is more, a lot of young people claim that they are excluded from their friends' circle due to the fact that they are not smokers. Consequently, peer pressure determines them to take up smoking. I believe that teenage is the age when youngs are still in the process of moulding themselves into what they want to be and their body and mind need a healthy environment in order to function properly.

Secondly, smoking tobacco affects the health of both smokers and non-smokers. As a recent study carried out by the English doctor N. Jefferson shows, smoking is responsible for about 30 per cent of all deaths from cancer and causes leukemia, pleumonia, heart and blood disfunctions and even memory loss. Leaving aside the philosophical question of whether anyone should breathe someone else's cigarette smoke, passive smokers are also believe to have a 30 per cent higher risk of death from heart disease and cancer.These being said, I believe that smoking represents the most important preventable cause of cancer today.

To sum up, even if tobacco stimulates the mind, body and spirit for a short period of time, in the long run, smoking is the most addicting and killing habit. By making tobacco illegal, I believe that half of human beeings would not die before the age of 35.

(300 words)

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 9, 2012   #2
However, al though manysome believe smoking tobacco is a harmless habit, I think it should be also forbidden.

Firstly , ...

As a recent study carried out by the English doctor N. Jefferson shows, smoking is responsible for about 30 per cent of allthe deaths from cancer and causes leukemia, pleumonia, heart and blood disfunctions and even memory loss.
OP y0_3mma 19 / 28 6  
Apr 9, 2012   #3
Thanks, Jenny! You're right, I have to find a better argument for it. To be honest, I had no other reason and I though it would be ok to talk about teenagers.

Dummy, honestly, I don't see the point of your corrections. Gramatically speaking, 'Firstly' is correct. And smoking really is responsible for 30% of ALL deaths around the globe. Thanks, anyway!
EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Apr 11, 2012   #4
To sum up, even if tobacco stimulates the mind, body and spirit for a short period of time, in the long run, smoking is the most addicting and killing habit.

How about video games, the Internet, coffee, or sweets? All of these can be 'addicting and killing habit' - maybe they should be made illegal too..?


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