Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS Topic: Should Smoking and tobacco products be banned?


deniable1982 1 / -  
Sep 2, 2011   #1
Smoking is a major cause of serious illness and death throughout the world today. In the interest of public health, government should ban cigarettes and tobacco products. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Over the issue about whether should government ban cigarettes and relevant tobacco products has now draws more attention in the whole worldwide. Although the economic benefits behind the tobacco industry contribute thousands of job opportunities, however, the ramification cannot be ignored.

In the following essay I will target on some of reasons why should governments ban the tobacco product.

One of the most rationale reasons for smoke-free laws is based on the fact that smoking is optional and breathing is not. Non-smokers are often passively been force to expose at a secondhand smoke environment especially child which could increase the incidence of heart disease, cancer and other respiratory disease .

Another factor is that tobacco is drug. Unlike heroin and marijuana which are prohibited by the majority of governments around the world to prevent substance abuse, while these two illicit drugs have legitimated applied in medical treatment, in contrast, products of tobacco make their fortune from public health. Besides, it is often government and society that cover the expense rather than smokers themselves. Thus, the interests and rights of the society should override those of the individual.

Furthermore, smoking runs a high risk of miscarriage for pregnant women. And there are plenty evidences indicate that nicotine addict mothers prone to have smaller babies, or worse, put babies in high risk of disease and death. Therefore, for the sake of our next generation, all the tobacco products should be banned.

In conclusion, a problem involve in such huge profit is unlikely to be solved in the short term. However, through addressing the seriousness of the problem that it causes and after the practically action by government will eventually evoke public awareness that tobacco products has nothing benefit for human body but harm.

Any suggestions are welcome.

niclarson 1 / 10  
Sep 2, 2011   #2
Overall a very well written persuasive piece, however, like all essays it has some things to be re-worked.

Although i'm sure it was a typo, make sure you put ramificationS in the first paragraph.

I would also suggest re-wording your last sentence of the first paragraph. Although it clearly sets up what you are going to argue for the reader, it seems too formulaic. Really, you could delete that sentence all together if need be.

Second paragraph, make sure you put rational instead of rationale, as there is a slight difference between the two words and rational fits best here.

"Non-smokers are often passively been force to expose at a secondhand smoke environment especially child which could increase the incidence of heart disease, cancer and other respiratory disease" Consider re-wording. Maybe something along the lines of.. "Non-smokers are often passively forced to inhale secondhand smoke which can increase risk for heart disease, cancer, and respiratory diseases. Children are especially vulnerable to these environments."

"Unlike heroin and marijuana which are prohibited by the majority of governments around the world to prevent substance abuse, while these two illicit drugs have legitimated applied in medical treatment, in contrast, products of tobacco make their fortune from public health" Consider re-wording. Maybe something along the lines of ... "While heroin and marijuana have been prohibited by many governments to prevent substance abuse, tobacco remains legal and profitable to those connected to its economy. Although heroin and marijuana have legitimate application in medical treatments, tobacco does not."
sobin 12 / 24  
Sep 3, 2011   #3
hi
i read your essay.
i think you need to add an example to strengthen your point.
:-)
Icecreamquest 6 / 15  
Sep 3, 2011   #4
deniable1982
Furthermore, smoking runs a high risk of miscarriage for pregnant women. And there are plenty evidences indicate that nicotine addict mothers prone to have smaller babies, or worse, putting babies in high risk of disease and death.

Have a wonderful weekend!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic: Should Smoking and tobacco products be banned?