Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

(Task 2)Topic: Technology is being used to monitor people. Will the pros of this outweigh the cons?


idkwhattosay 1 / -  
Mar 5, 2021   #1

tracking people using modern technology



Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the current society, it is widely believed that authorities are using more and more technological devices, such as CCTV and phone tracking, to keep an eye on what is done and said. In a number of situations, the individuals being observed do not know that this is happening. Although there are several positive effects of this phenomenon, they certainly cannot surpass the drawbacks associated with this trend.

On the one hand, there are some pros of this that are worth considering. First and foremost, because of GPS, tracking other people would certainly become less challenging. This could be used as evidence when a crime is committed. As a result, crime rates would plummet owing to the fact that people would be afraid of going to jail. To depict this point, an example worth mentioning is that in 2018, a group of robbers broke into a bank and stole all the money, but with the help of CCTV, the police caught them the following day without any noticeable efforts.

Nonetheless, these benefits are definitely outweighed by the drawbacks. Firstly, everyone should have their own rights of doing anything they want unless it is against the law, therefore under no circumstances should they be monitored. A crucial point worth noting is that being monitored could bring a sense of fear due to the fact that what the one being monitored has done could be publicly available on the Internet if there were a data breach. Consequently, this could lead to the death of an increasing number of people if sensitive data were leaked. A specific example of this is that in 2019, a sex tape of an internationally acclaimed singer was leaked and she committed suicide since she could not stand a chance against the general public.

In conclusion, even though there are some possible benefits of using technology to monitor people, the potential downsides of this are more significant.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,693 3497  
Mar 6, 2021   #2
The first paragraph does not contain enough of a restatement presentation for it to not be judged most as cut and paste presentation of specific aspects from the original prompt. It is important for your TA score to show that you have the ability to explain a topic that has been explained to you with originality and clarity. It is the essence of the original discussion you should be presenting in your own words, without and word usage taken from the original presentation.

As this is a single opinion essay, it is impoetant that you support youe opinion only with justifiable data rather than a comparative presentation. While your restatement shows a clear opinion, your reasoning paragraph creates confusion for the reader due to your sudden support for both opinions in the reasoning paragraphs. You have obviously not decided on a particular opinion to support, thus creating a divided opinion where you first stated, with clarity, an opinion that you actually support in the first paragraph. Focus on the reasons for the outweighing reasons only next time to avoid confusing your opinion and reasoning paragraphs next time.


Home / Writing Feedback / (Task 2)Topic: Technology is being used to monitor people. Will the pros of this outweigh the cons?