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Topic: universities should only offer to young students with high marks,...


DUONGVUTUANMINH 1 / 3 1  
Jul 11, 2018   #1

accepting only well-qualified students to universities?



Topic: Many people say that universities should only offer to young students with high marks, others say that they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

A major debate in the field of taking parts in universities revolves around the issue of whether educational institutes should accept well-qualified students or scholars of all ages without assessing their current academic levels. This essay will delve into both viewpoints and voice my personal opinions.

On the one hand, it is admitted that students with decent marks should be trained by reputed universities. Intellectual personnel such as doctors, lawyers, etc are feted in their countries these days. In addition, these people are lucrative sources of the national budget. American conglomerates exemplify perfectly in this case. Renowned companies have stimulated highly qualified IT workers by attractive salary policies with the aim of competing other firms. Therefore, intellectual students not only benefit their own countries by accelerating national GDP rate but also shelter their families from monetary burdens. Consequently, it is vital for educational authorities to encourage well-performed scholars to pursue higher education.

On the other hand, people should be given the freedom to do what they desire and embarking on universities is not an exception. It is absurd to say that education plays no useful role in the adulthood. The country would extremely benefit if it's citizens decide to learn in universities despite their ages. However, senior learners must be applied to certain training programs provided appropriately by universities.

To conclude, I believe that everyone can freely broaden knowledge by applying to a university in conformity with his or her financial conditions. Notwithstanding, students who capable of affording universities' courses, should not be profitable from national funding for education.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,319 1844  
Jul 12, 2018   #2
Duong, let me start by telling you what you did well in this essay. You performed well in your first 2 body paragraphs that compare the two schools of thought. There is a balance in the discussion and a clear sense of logic in your reasoning. You also met the sentence requirement per paragraph. You also did an acceptable job of paraphrasing the prompt topic and discussion requirement although there are some aspects for improvement there. These are the good points in your presentation. Now for the negatives.

First up, is a look at your opening paragraph. The first sentence is a run on sentence. This should have been divided into 2 separate but related sentences because these represent 2 different discussion topics. Separating the topics into individual sentence presentations would not have only helped increase your TA score, but also further boosted your GRA score as you would have shown a better mix of complex and simple sentences throughout the presentation.

Now, about the personal opinion aspect of the discussion. One of the most common mistakes that the test takers make is that they often use the concluding paragraph to present their personal opinion. That is a definite mistake that further reduces your TA score because your essay does not have an actual conclusion. The personal opinion is a stand alone 5 sentence explanation of your beliefs regarding the topic. The concluding paragraph functions in a different manner though. The concluding paragraph is used to summarize the information in the 3 body paragraphs and remind the reader about the discussion topic. This is considered the closing aspect of the essay. No new information can be introduced at that point because you are simply finalizing the discussion at that point. So, personal opinion = 1 paragraph and the concluding paragraph = 1 paragraph summary of the discussion.

Overlooking these 2 problems though, I can say that you did a good job in discussing this essay just the same. You remained on track for the most part and used relevant information and easily understandable examples to drive your point home. Good job.


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