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Topic: There's no need to volunteer as very few teenager can benefit from volunteer work,IELTS2.

trannguyen26 1 / 1  
Jan 10, 2021   #1

volunteering among Teenagers

Teenagers these days have tendency to take part in many community affairs through a great deal of youth's organizations. Not only can they gain access to practical skills, they can somewhat make a great contribution to the society as well. For me, I totally disagree with the above statement.

To begin with, youngsters are well informed with a plenty of life skills once attending in society's work. As they stand the chance of living far from home, they have to familiarize with these skills by themselves in order to exist. In effect, they are entitled to making decision without depending on adults, which does help them independently tackle their own affairs and reach to their own solution. It is usual that they have to work in groups in such volunteering work, thereby creating skills to interact with the others. To illustrate, parents now encourage their children to take part in volunteer works held by school or youths' organizations for the hope of gaining more life skills.

Furthermore, it seems to me that the adolescents make great difference within their community towards charity works. Owing to their active and energetic spirit, they can help spread the motivation to needy people, particularly children. Through many youths' courses, teenagers themselves can help reduce illiteracy that enrich the outlook of socio picture. This is exemplified by the fact that there are thousands of poor children become successful through many life-changing experiences given by volunteers.

In conclusion, volunteering is the tools for widening the social prospects, not only for the poor, but also the youths. Whether some people give creeps for charity, I totally consider charity as a meaningful activity between human.

Short summary:
Disagree with the above statement, with 2 typical ideas. The first is children are beneficial life skills from volunteering. The second is volunteering help students make difference for society.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,902 3559  
Jan 10, 2021   #2
It is important to make it clear in the paraphrasing that you are presenting an idea or opinion that is not your own. It is important to use third person pronouns in that section to be able to deliver the clarity of the other party or parties, opinion(s). In this presentation, it appears that you are contradicting your own statement, thus leaving the paragraph with an unclear opinion. Ensure that you always identify whose opinion, idea, or sentiment is being presented to clarify that the last sentence is your response to the prompt question or discussion instruction.

You are referring to an unrelated topic in the second paragraph. You are discussing living away from home, which cannot be taken to have the same meaning as young adults participating in volunteer work. There is a stark difference between the two scenarios. The focus of the discussion should only be on volunteer work, not on other unrelated tasks, activities, or living conditions.

Your third paragraph is not clear in terms of explanations either. In the opinion statement, you said that you disagree with the statement provided. However, you are constantly giving reasons to support the need for volunteering or community service among teenagers. There is a difference between your response to the question and, the reasons you provided. One does not support the other.

Based on the short summary you provided, it is clear that you did not provide reasons to support a disagreeing statement in the essay. To disagree means to not support the previous idea. That is not what you did in this statement. You strengthened the original information based on your reasons, running counter to the instructions for the discussion. You should have indicated why there are no benefits to volunteering and why volunteering will not help youngsters make a difference in society. What you explained actually supports the idea that volunteerism is beneficial to the youth.
OP trannguyen26 1 / 1  
Jan 10, 2021   #3
Can you check my word usage or grammar , please?
Priscillia 6 / 13  
Jan 12, 2021   #4
I am checking your grammatical errors:
- a great deal of -> plenty of youth's organizations. a great deal is used for uncountable nouns.
- ... to practical skills,but they can also...
- a plenty of..
- attending in -> to society's work
- familiarize themselves with.. you lack the word "themselves".
- reach to their own solution.
- reduce illiteracy that enrich -> enriches the outlook..
Hope my suggestions useful!
srjvob 1 / 4  
Jan 13, 2021   #5
For the intro, I recommend removing phrases like "for me". You can be assertive in your stance.

"Teenagers these days have ..."--> "These days, teenagers tend to enjoy taking part in community affairs through youth organisations"

For the ending, similarly to the intro, I think you can remove "in conclusion".

Hope this helps and best of luck!
Tai351 2 / 4  
Jan 13, 2021   #6
Great work! But the introduction is a bit confusing. If you are trying to disagree with a view, you can use terms like "many believe that" or "it is widely believed that", these terms help you to make it clear that these opinions belong to others, easier for you to show disagreement.

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