topic: watching tv is bad for kids.
A substantial number of people believe that watching TV is good for everything. Even though I sometimes agree that TV provide education, entertainment, politics, and etc to people, I strongly believe that watching TV makes children confuse with real world and virtual environment and give bad contents. That`s because advanced in technologies allow them decreasing their concentration and change their social skills.
First, entertaining of technology enables children to take advantage of decrease their concentration. It is certain that they are considered a critical time for brain development. For example, Kids who view violent acts are more likely to show aggressive behavior but also fear that the world is scary and that something bad will happen to them between real world and virtual world. And also, it reduces children`s learning ability which is, it decrease their studying time and not participating in class, because of watching TV lately in night.
Moreover, watching TV is guarantee higher chances to change their social skills. Because if children watch TV a long time, but, later it is hard to make friends and between other relationship. In addition, it destroy young soul`s health and emotion by TV. Watching TV is a sign of boredom. Boredom is a sign of not setting new goals. It's a very high emotion of apathy. A person in boredom goes into a lower emotion when there is a problem, like antagonism, or anger. And they don`t exercise every time during watching can cause fat or adult disease.
Hi,
First, entertaining of technology enables children to take advantage of decrease their concentration. It is certain that they are considered a critical time for brain development. (These two sentences do not pass their idea to the reader properly. I got some sense by reading the example. It's better if you rewrite these sentences) For example, Kids who viewwatch violent acts are more likely to show aggressive behavior butand also fear that the world is scary and that something bad will happen to them between real world and virtual world.
It is better to write television instead of TV.
...that TV provide education, entertainment, politics, and etc so forth, I strongly believe that watching TV television makes children confused about th e real world and virtual environment and give bad contents.
First, entertaining technology enables children to take advantage of a decrease in the amount of concentration they need to use.
For example, Kids kids who view violent acts are more likely to show aggressive behavior but also fear that ...
And also, it reduces children's learning ability by decreasin g their studying time and not participating in class, because of watching TV lately in night.
Moreover, watching TV is guarantees higher chances to change their social skills. This is true because if children watch TV a long time, later it is hard to make friends and between other relationship.
And they don`t exercise every time during watching can cause fat obesity or diseas e.
:-)
Since you have only 2 points, I think you should change either "First" or "Moreover"
