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IELTS Writing Task 2, topic about yongsters

goldmanswalking 3 / 3  
Oct 21, 2012   #1
This is the question:
It is believed that young people have too much freedom and they don't pay much attention to the older people's advice. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

Here is my answer to the question:

With the advancement of social development, the society has been changed totally different from it was decades ago. Talking about the behaviour of today's youngsters, some people regard they have too much freedom. Others complain they do not take much advice from the older generation these days. I think both of the opinions are overly simplified.

Admittedly, young people nowadays are provided with less forced options than they were before. they have more sayings on what they can eat and how they can dress without concerning their parents ideas. However, despite of these freedom they still need to consider their friends' opinion on their choices. They are still constrained by the peer pressure surrounding them since nobody wants to be regarded as a weird people by his friends. Besides, because of the economic reasons, some young people, in order to support their family, still have to choose a career path that they do not really like. For young people like them, freedom is still a word of fantasy.

Some people reckon young people do not pay much attention to older peoples advice. I think this is just not the truth. Nevertheless, I know a lot of young people including myself are very opened to those useful advices. What young people really object to is the "Command" that is issued by the older people in a forceful way. Moreover, listening to the old people is not the only way to take their advice. Lots of youngsters these days prefer to read the books written by the older generations to seek the advice for their puzzles in the life instead of sitting very uncomfortably with their parents during an intensive family debate.

To conclude, simply think the youngsters today have too much freedom is not justified and the also have paid sufficient attention to advices from older generation in different ways. It is highly recommended for the parents or other older generations to communicate more effectively with their offspring to remove such misunderstanding.

Please give me some advice about the Task response, Coherence, Lexical resource and Grammar.
Any constructive feed back would be greatly appreciated.

Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
Nov 8, 2012   #2
Your essay is great! Well organization and well argument! However, you have to be careful with your grammar and some vocabulary because in IELTS writing should be written in a formal style, so it is very advisable to choose words carefully. Plus, "Advice" is an uncountable noun, so no "s" for plural.

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