IELTS Writing task 2_tourism could endanger local inhabitant and environment

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. however, the damaged tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored.

to what extend do you agree or disagree?

Tourism has become one of the fastest growing industry in the the last decade. Although it has a major impact on world economy, this issue has raised another concern regarding to environmental and cultural damaged. Personally, I agree with this statement because of two reasons.

For the main reason, human activity tends to bring many negative impacts to the natural destination such as mountain. People have to consume their basic needs while travelling in remote areas. This means that they must bring some instant foods or beverages during the vacation, and in fact this results some trashes or residues. Hiking, for instance, is a sport tourism that at least needs two days. It matters for hikers to carry food supply, but they often override rule not to produce trashes in the mountain. As an effect, many package of human-consumed is found in the mountain.

In addition, tourists tend to bring their character that may challenge domestic norms and believes. This could be a sensitive issue because the local wisdom could be altered by the tourist massive interaction. Moreover, local society identity may vanish. Bali is one of the brief example of this issue. Nowadays, some of Balinese cultural festival has changed from its original such as Kecak Dance. If their ancestor used this dance as religious expression, nowadays, its purpose has changed to attract tourist. Furthermore, this is a sign that believes has disappeared and local society has started lose their character.

In conclusion, the damage of tourism in both environment and culture is a real issue. This happens because human concern to fulfill their basic needs and the degradation of local believes or norms.

This is practically a complete cut and paste of the original prompt. She section is evidence that you can only write in memorized or copied phrases. This will contribute to a failing TA score.


No time reference is made in the original prompt. This misinforms the reader and changes the original information. Do not include unsupported information.


Improper word use. Damage indicates ongoing action. Happening or continuing to happen in present time. Damaged means the action has ended. It is in the past.LR and GRA reductions apply.


To what extent ? Deliver the response based on the prompt format. Failure to do so will add to your TA reduction based on improper response format.


Incomplete thesis statement. Summarize the 2 supporting reasons as the end sentence/s for this paragraph to increase your C + C baseline score.


Relate this to and use the word travel in reference to it for sentence clarity.


Improper word usage. Trash is both the singular and plural form of the word. GRA deductions apply.


Correct word is "belief" which means ; an opinion or conviction. LR issue.


Should be using the plural form for both words ( societies identities) as every nation has several local cultures/ identities to refer to. LR and GRA related errors.


Good but incomplete summary. you need to repeat your extent opinion here as the closing sentence.

thanks
@Holt