Tourism is one of the key aspects that bring an intense progression to a particular country. However, there has been a thought-arising debate whether this industry poses somewhat hazards. In this essay I would cite my position on this whilst indicate some feasible actions could be taken by governments to provide that tourism reinforces the development.
First and foremost, it is irrefutable to note that profits which tourism is presenting to economies are immeasurable. Prevailingly, globetrotting, apart from serving as an exhilarating activity for tourists, is becoming a profound source of income for many host countries. Not surprisingly, the industry is creating new workplaces whilst opportunities for unemployed citizens. Obviously, this tendency is contributing to a drastic decline in rates of unemployment. For instance, tourism is feeding majority of poor families dwelling in African and mid-Asian developing countries.
Admittedly, tourism brings some considerable damages for visited areas. Today, it is an acknowledgeable truth that not all visitors' attitude is positive towards the hosts. Plainly, countries endeavor to create the most luxurious conveniences for the trotters and this is actually a labor-intensive deed. Eventually, locals are commencing to "sacrifice" themselves and ensure tourists with hot showers and accommodations.
Nonetheless, there are several number of viable remedies to eliminate the harm. Governments may impose constraints on having an access to fragile places and construct special hotels for tourist to live in. This would function somehow against the financial aspect, but provide protection for the vulnerability.
To recapitulate, although tourism is one of the chief sources of profit, it is mentionable to advocate the impinge on host country in some ways. But, governments are capable to alleviate the downside and tourism remains beneficial for the development.
Hi Azamat, I have read and understood your essay in a way that I fully agree to the points you mentioned. More importantly, the tourism industry is highly regarded in your essay. I for one is an advocate of the tourism industry, as what I always say, Tourism is the only industry that keeps on giving, you will never run out of projects, programs and things to promote in order to help the country or even a small town to be known, not only in the region where it belongs but to the whole world.
Of course, with the advent of social media, the tourism industry had a boost of advertising over the past few years, somehow, people thought that the industry is dying however the help of social media, it slowly gained it's popularity just like it was in the golden years.
Azamat, I would like to suggest that you stick to basic and conversational English, as much as you want to play with words, I believe it will help if you create that easy breezy feel or read in your essay because honestly, I have to look up a few words and make sure that it is what it is as I understand it. I hope this is useful to your essay.
Azamat, if you wish to know what is your approximate band score for this writing. I would like to try to assess this essay based on writing task 2 band descriptors.
- it is indeed quite difficult to assess this part, since you didn't give the question of the task. However, if I see directly from the answers, I would say that you were able to address all parts of the task, but unfortunately the body paragraphs were imbalance. For instance, the first body and the third body paragraph have no conclusion, or unclear at the last sentence. This makes you hard to score more than 6.0.
Coherence and Cohesion
- over-using cohesive devices is really dangerous. (first and foremost, prevailingly, not surprisingly, obviously, for instance, admittedly, today, plainly, eventually, nonetheless) This is one of the negative feature of band 5.0. As I know, having one negative feature of a particular band means that you are not going to go beyond that score.
- you were tried to use less common vocabularies, but some inaccuracies occurred. This will not make you go further than 6.0
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
- Even though you've made some grammatical errors, fortunately it rarely reduced communication. You also used some variations of complex structures with a good control. By having one positive feature of band 7 and one negative feature of band 6. I think that in this part you are able to reach 6.5.
Therefore, overall score would approximately be 6.0. However, this is only a prediction, do not take it seriously. You can develop more on the next practice :)