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IELTS Task 2: Tourism and extent opinion

nguyet_nguyen 4 / 11 1  
Jul 25, 2017   #1
"Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other." To what extent do you agree with this idea?

Please give me score in the following essay. Thanks, Holt, I try to focus just 1 main reason for one paragraph and analyze it like your advice. Hope your advice.


international tourism benefits

In recent decades, we have seen a dramatic increase in the tourism, even so, the international understanding. That is why many people laud the role of the tourism in the universal compassion. However, I absolutely refute that the tourism is always a force good things and give some pieces of evidence to prove my personal ideal in the following essay.

First at all, it is an undeniable fact that traveling helped many tourists explore distinguished cultures in various regions. Nevertheless, it also creates many erroneous preconceptions among different countries. One of particular good example is some Western people travel to undeveloped countries and be a victim of a tourist trap; then they have the bad perspective about local citizen and widespread disappointing experience for other people in their country. Invisibly, exploring new cultures without going into a detail creates the big hole in universal understanding.

Further and even more importantly, though tourism is one of the most potential motivation to developing economies of poverty countries such as Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, it also brings many great issues for those countries like prostitute, alcoholism, and drug. The finance which should help to develop the national economy and improve the quality lives of impoverished; however, unfortunately, making the affluent (travel agencies, large tourist corporations) get more benefit, and bringing the seriously social trouble for poverty. Tourism invisibly creates the wealth gap larger.

Even more worrying, the tourist flow destroys the natural environment. The most obvious instance is the Great Barrier Reef in Australia slowly dying because of pollution and tourist overload. In the most recent information of BBC, nearly one fourth of this famous destination is impossible to revise, and many undersea ecosystems have been instinct.

By way of conclusion, I think the detriment of international tourist incredibly overweighs the benefit. Besides encouraging traveling, we should impose some solutions and legislation prevents the negative impacts such as intensively defended the badly social issues and public education campaign in local areas where have attracted many international tourists.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,932 2187  
Jul 26, 2017   #2
Nguyet, your essay has some good points and some bad points. So to be fair, I will score you on an individual level of your presented essay. Based on the 4 criteria, I believe that you will score as follows:

Task Accuracy - 6
Coehsiveness and Coherence - 5
Lexical Resource - 3
Grammar Range and Accuracy - 3

While you did understand the prompt requirements. You presented the discussion in reverse. You should have presented the negative and then disagreed with it by presenting your positive view of tourism. This would have shown a clear "extent" of your agreement because you have referred to phrases like " while some people that tourism negatively affects,,, I believe that tourism is good in this instance because..." The prompt requires you to only agree with the idea presented so the opposing idea has to come from somewhere else, not you. That turns it into a comparison essay instead of an opinion essay.

There were problems with your lexical use such as "instinct" when you meant to say "extinct" and "invisibly" when it should have been "inevitably" and so on and so forth. Make sure you use the correct English word by first understanding its meaning. Otherwise, you distort the message of the paragraph you are writing and the essay becomes difficult to understand. That is why I had to score you so low in the last 2 criteria, the message of the essay became hard to follow as I had to try to figure out what you said when you were using the wrong word choices in the sentences. Good work in keeping on one topic along per paragraph though. Keep that up. It at least helped me to figure out what the total essence of the paragraph was.
OP nguyet_nguyen 4 / 11 1  
Jul 26, 2017   #3
Thanks, I totally appreciate your advice. I have already seen my mistake. I received some pieces of advice that I should make my essay more complicated and different others. However, I realize the more using academic words (which I haven't got acquaintance yet) and cliched, the worse score I get. I will write by the way I feel the most comfortable =)).

I want to ask you another question. Is it right if our writing style is normal and non-special (comparing to other people), we will get the low score? Because my target is band 7.0 at writing. Is it ok if I just complete IELTS's criteria but my essay is no special? My friend's advice confused me too much >"<
juntrinh 3 / 4 1  
Jul 26, 2017   #4
@nguyen_nguyen: In fact, 7.0 IELTS writing is difficult now as you can do a difficult task. British Council marks strictly the IELTS writing, and you know you only have 60 minutes. If a task 1 essay is hard, you are definitely unable to get a high overall score. 6.5 may be an easier target!

Your writing style is quite illogical. Quite frankly, I also prefer a free style (may be like you), but unfortunately examiners will be hard to follow it. You know they read your essay very fast, so no...I advice you to choose a traditional style. Sometime a simple thing is the best
OP nguyet_nguyen 4 / 11 1  
Jul 26, 2017   #5

Could you give me more info about "free style"? I have just begun study IELTS for 1 month and I realize the writing of IELTS is much more difficult than TOEFL (I got 27 in Writing session). However, my IELTS writing is always low >"<

If you have time, could you please give me some advice and clarify some styles of IELTS writing?

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