Unanswered [2] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
Home / Writing Feedback 2

Tourism is an important industry in Taiwan.

Jun 10, 2018   #1

a good project for tourism is necessary

Tourism is an important industry in Taiwan. Upfrading facilities at popular tourist attractions, providing tourists benefit price and making two-win contact with other countries are good idea to fournish our tourism.

Upgrading facilities, such as airport, public transport or accommodation condition, are good for foreigners to take an easy trip in Taiwan. Take airport for example, our airport is very poor in the past so government decide to upfrade airport to make travelers feeling good.

Time is also an limitation for travelers. Thus, convenient transports and good traffic conditions are important to travelers and maintain travelers' interesting in travel.
Providing benefit price for foreigners can stimulate the tourism. Because many travels don't have much money to buy expensive product, they just want to spend on necessary spend and don't want to spend on further expend. Therefore, making benefit promotion can do good on shopping.

Making contacts with other countries are also good. By this way, it can produce two-win condition, such as increasing travelers from countries making contacts with us.

Making good project for tourism is something need to be concerned deeply. As a result, it can cause positive or negative effect on people.

Holt [Contributor] 1505  
Jun 11, 2018   #2
@Chong I am not sure what prompt you are responding to with this essay and if this is even an essay that was written for an English language exam. Your opening paragraph does not have a self-explanatory topic sentence at the start. Nor does it have a clear thesis statement that explains what you will be discussing in the body paragraphs of the essay. As such, the essay that you wrote does not seem to have a valid point to it.

As a basic rule of thumb though, a paragraph, whether written for an academic paper or an English test needs to have no less than 3 sentences in it. That is because you are supposed to have a topic sentence at the start and then 2 sentences (at least) to explain what you mean by the topic sentence. You don't really do that uniformly in this essay.

You also made the mistake of using the connecting word "an" when you should have used the word "a" instead. "A" for consonant starting words and "an" for vowel starting words. There is also a connecting word rule that dictates when "because" is used in a sentence. The term "because" is used to explain an existing idea within the same sentence. It basically connects 2 ideas in one sentence. Since there is no connecting statement preceding the use of the word "because" when used at the start of the sentence, this created a grammatically wrong sentence structure as there is no idea to connect to it within the sentence.

Home / Writing Feedback / Tourism is an important industry in Taiwan.

Bold Italic Strike CAPS
  Ctrl-Z = Undo / Ctrl-Y = Redo