Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Tourists in England who visited four different attractions in Brighton - IElTS

Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 2, 2015   #1
The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the quantity measured in percentage of tourists who chose four attractions to visit which are Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier, Festival. Overall, the graph betokens that Pavilion is the most visited tourist attraction.

When it comes Pier, from the period from 1980 to 2000, it remains almost constant at 10 percentage with slight fluctuation up and down, but after that to 2010, it remarkably went upward to more than 20%.

The Art Gallery has almost the opposite story, in 1980, it started off at approximately 20* and it erected to roughly 38% in 1985. Unfortunately, after that, it fell down to almost 9% in 2010, with slight increase in 1995.

Festival has the most stable curve in the graph, it almost stays at approximately 28% for the whole 30 years, with a slight decrease from 1985 to 2000.

Pavilion, it began at 23% in 1980. There was a significant increase in percentage after that, in 1995, it managed to reach almost 50 %, but it could not maintain its for long. The period from 1995 to 2010. Pavilion continuously reduce its percentage to roughly 30% in 2010.

OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 2, 2015   #2
The line graph illustrates four tourists attractions, which are Pavilion, Pier, Festival, Art Gallery and its quantity of visitor, measured in percentage. Overall, eventually, three out of four tourist attractions will be side by side when it comes to percentage and the last one will be declining.

From 1980 to 1985, there were a huge increase for three tourists attractions such as Art Gallery for almost 20 percent, Pavilion for two percent, Pier for five percent. Whilst, Festival dropped to approximately 27 percent from 30 percent in the 1980. In 1990 , Pavilion kept sharply erecting until 1995, at that point, its percentage was 48 percent. In the meantime, two of its partners, which are Art Gallery and Pier continuously decreased its percentage to 20 percent and 10 percent in 1990, with a slight increase for both tourists attraction from 1990 to 1995. Festival is another story, somehow it is managed to remain constant throughout 30 years( i.e. 1980-2010). After 1995, both Pavilion and Art Gallery started to decline to 31 percent and nine percent in 2010. Pier at that time, remarkably preferred by many individuals and it reached to 21 percent.
somasalims 15 / 27 5  
Feb 3, 2015   #3
Hello Vns! Firstly, I would like to say that you should use some paragraphs to organize your writing. So it will be easy to read. Next, try to compare the data, for example:

The proportion of tourists traveled to Pavilion peaked at approximately 48% as the highest percentage compared to others in 1995, while the percentage of Festival visitors was the lowest proportion (about 25%).

Thank you.
AinunAlfatih 15 / 14 8  
Feb 6, 2015   #4
Introduction should has the information about the type of graph, the data, the unit of measurement, and periods of time (conditional, if the graph shows periods). In your writing, there is not periods of time, so you should write it.

then, you need to group the information and look for similarities in the graph. may be you can group it by similar pattern of the line or by the year, and then compare the data.

in addition :

"...it remains almost constant at 10 percentage with slight fluctuation up and down..."

"...it remains almost constant at 10 percentage with a slight fluctuation up and down..."

Thank you.

Home / Writing Feedback / Tourists in England who visited four different attractions in Brighton - IElTS
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳