Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Both - the traditional and the international music brings people together.

xitrona 4 / 11  
Apr 28, 2012   #1
Hi all! anyone please help me to correct my essay please? its due to next week.
sentenses, vocabulary words, and grammar..
I will greatly apreciate your help!

Music takes a great part in our life. People are playing music everywhere, in a car, house, bank, supermarket, grocery store even in the office. Music could also delight the mood when people are stressed and makes all kind of mood. Although different people like different music, music could brings people to communication and brings different people together. There are two kind of music, first is traditional music which owned by each country and second is the international music one which almost all people around the world know and accept it. I believe that the Music takes a great part in our life. People are playing music everywhere, in a car, traditional music is the same as important as the international music one.

Music has been an expression of many people from different cultures around the world since years even centuries ago. Music is created by cultures and music creates cultures itself. Every country has it unique traditional music also with its traditional instruments. Listening to the traditional music and looking to the traditional instruments, people could guess what type of culture, and what country is from. For example people know that "Country Music" is from America and Indonesia has many traditional instruments, two of them are "Angklung" and "Gamelan". Traditional music is very important because people could see an original cultural scene of a country expands from it. It is also could be as an identity or the uniqueness of a country.

Modern music that people often hear nowadays is an international music such as pop, rock, jazz, etc. Although it does not represents a country and social culture, many young people like this music most then the traditional one. With the modern music, the young generation could express themselves freely and it is good for the development of music in the world. Young generation combined those genres and makes the new genres. The international music also needed and has become basically used for business globalization, a way of earning money, and also for the entertainment.

In conclusion, both traditional music and the international music are very important. With the traditional music, people could see the uniqueness of a country. Also shows the culture and history of a country itself. The international music (modern music) also important because with the international music, the young generation could express their expressions more freely, makes music development better in years, and discovers more new kind of music and genre. And the last, both kind of music have one same important reason why they are exist. That's to bring people together.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Apr 30, 2012   #2
1) "could" is the past tens of "can". This is the first different. In your essay you was talking about facts in present tens that I thought it would be better to be changed all "could" to "can"

2) However, in some context u can use "could" in different ways. One of them is for suggesting. For example: We could go cinema or park for today's afternoon (U are suggesting that you have several choices for spending your spare time).

3) Sometimes it is used in the second type of conditional sentences. In this type of sentences you imagine a thing to happen (it is not a fact).

A. Zafari
OP xitrona 4 / 11  
May 2, 2012   #3
Hi A. Zafari...
thanks again! :)

Home / Writing Feedback / Both - the traditional and the international music brings people together.