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IELTS WRITING TASK II - TRADITIONAL AND MODERN MUSIC; each type has different purposes and style

LUBR2310 2 / 5 1  
Oct 16, 2017   #1
There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

the traditional music should be further cultivated

The existence of varied music in the world nowadays is an inevitable fact. This condition comes from understanding that music has many positive impacts towards human life. For instance, it is believed to make the listener relax, it has spirit, and it also helps people to speak out their ideas. Moreover, there are two different points of views questioning about the importance of traditional and modern music. This essay support people to preserve their traditional music.

The music that often we heard currently is a product of modern music. Modern music is made based on the actual condition appeared nowadays. The purposes written in the modern music actually picture about the love and hate that people build and the failure and struggle that they faced. A current study released by Australia Act Society found that modern music helps 56 percent of people to get rid of negative thoughts because of the written lyrics. However, the study also presents the fact that this type of music does not enhance their affection to their country at all. It is true that the modern music is good o improve the personal feeling of the listener but not gather their feeling to their nation.

Another type of music is traditional music. The traditional music is made to describe the homeland and culture, the struggle and war, and the sad and victory story. The purposes of this type of music are to make the listener became more proud of their country, enhance their nationality, and to increase their spirit in life. A research run by the University of Cambridge in 2016 shows that more than 80 percent athletes listening to their national anthem and traditional music before the match are winning the tournament no matter how they feel about it before. It cannot be denied that the traditional music is great to enhance the personal feelings and nationality of the listener.

To conclude, each type of music has different purposes and written style. People need music because of its positive impact on the listener feel. Moreover, people have to maintain the existence of traditional music and should listen to this type more often because it comes with many benefits personally and nationally.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,552 3449  
Oct 17, 2017   #2
Lubis, what you wrote is not an IELTS task 2 essay. You wrote a research paper complete with references and paraphrased citations. That is not the essay that the task is asking for. Remember, the actual testing center will not give you internet access. Most of the information you present in this essay comes from intricately researched references. Which, while it makes the information strong, does not help you pass the test. The information for these essays must be comprised of personal knowledge, experience, or opinions. That is why this essay will not get a passing score. Aside from being a research paper, you did not even properly paraphrase the original prompt. Your lack of understanding of the prompt requirement led to one mistake and another in your paper. Which created a seriously non-prompt responsive essay. I can't even score this because I want to give you a chance to show improvement. Try to correct the mistakes you made in this essay in your next essay. That is the one I will offer a more intricate review of. For this essay, it would be best if I point out your mistakes and just advise you to avoid the same mistakes next time.

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