Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Traditional music is essential, regardless of the wide acceptance of international music


birto delti 1 / 1  
Aug 3, 2020   #1

The traditional vs popular tunes



There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.


It is clear that music has become an important part of our lives. There are a number of reasons that has resulted in its wide acceptance. This essay will explore some of those reasons and explain why I believe traditional music is essential, regardless of the wide acceptance of international music.

Out of all the important reasons to play music, most popular ones are relaxation and stress therapy. Research has show that listening to guitar and harmonic music for more than two-minutes helps body in releasing stress-buster hormones, which provide instant calmness, and release of tension in muscles. which is why most of the mental therapies includes a soulful music playing in the background. Furthermore, music has also proved to be a catalyst for concentration. A large number of successful people claim to have listening a slow harmonic melody to boost their focus after a long tiring day.

With the recent growth in adoption of international music, a number of questions have been rose against the importance of traditional music. However, traditional music has always played an impeccable role in expressing cultural values and language. For instance, in every foreign's ambassador visit to India, they are always welcomed with spiritual music of Mohommad Rafi and many others famous royal singers. Not only this, whenever a nations achieves any success on any international stage, they are presented award with the native music in background. In contrast, international music is only famous among youngsters with a bleak reach to older generation. These values of traditional music will always set it a step higher than western music.

In brief, wide adoption of music is contributed to a number of benefits, such as mental health and focus booster. Despite prevalent adoption of international music in teenagers, traditional music, because of its values, will always be considered one-step above it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783  
Aug 3, 2020   #2
Your prompt paraphrase needs to outline your discussion points for the 2 reasoning paragraphs. This will help the examiner assess if you have a clear opinion in relation to the given discussion questions or not. It is imperative that you give the topics you will be discussing because you are being scored on the clarity of your opinion, based on your discussion outline. Do not give general reference responses as it does not help to assess your English comprehension skills in this test.

Since the essay topics require information from your personal knowledge, experience, interest, and publicly known information, it would be better if you avoid making references to "research shows" and instead mention "publicly known information indicates..." That way you meet the discussion requirement without making reference to "research".

There is no reference to the rise of the importance of traditional music in the original prompt. So this is not an accurate representation of that discussion portion. Rather, you should be indicating that there have been comparisons between the importance of international and traditional music. That way you could have done a clear comparison discussion between the two in the same paragraph. Your current discussion of the comparison appears to be under developed as you spent more time discussing traditional than international music. Try to deliver a balanced discussion next time.


Home / Writing Feedback / Traditional music is essential, regardless of the wide acceptance of international music
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳