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Traditional music is more important than other and it should be preserved as an asset.


zohaib 2 / 4  
Jan 21, 2016   #1
Topic: 57. There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important and should it be preserved or is international music that is heard everywhere nowadays more useful to a society?

Essay:

Nowadays trend of listening music has increased enormous. Some people think that traditional music of any nation is very important and an identity of that nation where as, many people who believe that international music is more effective for any nation.

Today, there is a lot of varieties in the music and these varieties are continuously increasing day by day, for instance folk music is mostly found in Asian countries specially in the south Asian countries like Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, where as, the pop music and rap songs have initially started from Europe and America .

The most important question which occur is why we need music or what is the importance of music in our life?
One of the main reason for listening music is that it give us relaxation when we are in trouble, in depression or want some relaxation from any tough situation. Secondly, music make a person more calm and tension free, so after listening the song the person is in more control to get back to work with more energy and with more passion.

Traditional music of any nation has more importance for that nation for instance if we look in Pakistan or south Asian countries people play their own native songs in their functions, birthday parties and in wedding parties rather than playing English or ay other songs. Moreover, the national songs are also the identity of any nation, these music represent the culture of that nation, so music of any society should be promoted by that society and it should be kept at an asset.

On the other hand international music also have some importance in the society the main reason which i give to support the above argument is people came to know the music of other culture and enjoy the types of music of different societies.

After viewing above discussion it would lead me to conclude on the note that music is very important in life, moreover, cultural music has much importance than other international music and it should be preserved as an asset.

I have only one week , next saturday there is my IELTS test, please guide my can i get 6 bands on this essay? and if no what can I do to get 6 bands.

I have written almost 20 to 30 essays. Please guide me guize properly

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 21, 2016   #2
Mohammad, it is with a note of sadness that I have to tell you that this essay will not score higher than a 5 as an actual essay test. While I can sense that you have tried your best to write the essay properly, you just have too many problem points that have prevented this essay from achieving a passing score.

That said, I am not sure if you will be ready to take the IELTS test in a weeks time. It seems to me like you need at least another month of practice tests before you are anywhere near ready. Please concentrate on the following points of improvement for your next practice essay:

1. Pay attention to your essay formatting. Each paragraph should have a maximum of 5 sentences. Your introduction needs to have a clear overview of the topics to be discussed and how you plan to approach the discussion. Do not forget to mention your opinion within the paragraph as well.

2. Try to make your paragraphs more understandable by grouping your discussion and using only the most important points that you know you will be able to discuss and present valid supporting facts for. All of your current paragraphs are under developed and lack supporting features.

3. Aim to use a more advanced English vocabulary. Currently, your ability is a little less than basic and prevents you from actually developing your line of reasoning in a usable and understandable manner.

What I have listed above are the problem points of your essay which I believe have caused you to get a low score. If you will manage to somehow improve those points within the week, then maybe we can get you a fighting chance in passing the test. I wish you the best of luck.
Linda91 30 / 40 3  
Feb 3, 2016   #3
Nowadays trend of listening music has increased enormously .
ADIE08 29 / 32 1  
Feb 3, 2016   #4
Nowadays trend of listening music has increased enormous enormously.
Asian countries speciallyconfuse meaning in the south Asian. found in Asian countries especially in the south Asian countries

the question which occur occurs is why

Secondly, music makes a person more calm calmer and tension free, so after listening to the song the person is in more control to get back

so the music of any society

internationalmusic also have some im some what? also have some importance in the society the main reason
putri22 33 / 33 5  
Feb 3, 2016   #5
Hi Zohaib, i think you should make a plan clearly before you start writing. here they are some suggestions from me:
1. In introduction, all you need to do is rewrite the fact/opinion in the task in different way then you need to state your idea that you will explain in body paragraph. so, your writing will be coherence.

2. In body paragraph you should explain your idea in introduction with a clear explanation. for example, in the first body you will talk about the international music. is there any benefits or drawbacks? what is the example or research that support your statement? what is the effect about that? then in second body you can explain about local music as the comparison. you need to group those thing instead of mix them.

3. in the conclusion you can restate your idea in the introduction with another words and give your suggestion for additional.

i think that's all that i can share for you. there are many pattern that you can make, as long as it is coherence, you can choose the pattern you like more. good luck


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