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Do traditional skills and way of life die out when a country develops with technology


trang_bee 2 / 7  
May 5, 2011   #1
hi all dears,i'm a new member of this forum and trying to get the good mark in Ielts test.i hope you can help me to correct my essay.thanks in advance

Topic:when a country develops its technology,the traditional skills and ways of life die out.it's pointless to try and keep them alive.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays ,the boom of technology bestows the world upon human's comfort and the economic development.There are some people arguing that along with the these above issues are the lost of traditional customs and lifestyles whereas other on the rest considers the benefits gaining from technology would rather be appreciated.In my opinion,the second point seems more reasonable.

Firstly,it's undeniable that technology accompanies with the era of globalization and integration.This,and hence,is synonymous with the strength of improving technology in every country.Consequently,the maintenance of each nation's characters and religions without accumulating innovation will lead to the economic obesity and peoples' poverty,backwards.

For example,Japan is known as a country having a great deal of customs and traditions.However,if they only consisted of remaining these lifestyles without the progress in industry,there would be no such a prosperous Japan in Asia areas at this moment.

Moreover,there is an unjustice of blaming technology for the disappearance of traditional customs.It's understandable that traditions belong to the spiritual conception meanwhile the birh of technology stems from the demand of human and the revolution in global economy.As far as I know,there was a British survey whether to erase the royal system or not,replacing it by the government's mercy,almost all of the British replied they would rather remain the royal system as ancient history.This,and hence,reflects the quintessence of peoples' spirit.However,England is still one of the most powerful nations over the world.Undoubtfully,this is evidence for the harmonization of traditions and technological modernization.

In conclusion,technology brings in advantages to our lives rather than cause the disappearance of tradition skills and ways of life.The preservation of each nation's characters depends on their autonomy's controlling in integration's period.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 7, 2011   #2
Nowadays, the boom of technology bestows upon the world a new level of human comfort and the economic development.----I made some small changes here.

Consequently,the maintenance of each nation's character and religion without accumulating innovation will lead to the economic obesity complications and poverty. backwards .

Undoubtfully Surely, this is evidence to support the idea that harmonization of traditions and technological modernization is beneficial.

The preservation of each nation's character depends on its people's way of integration technology into their way of life.

Above, I made a lot of suggestions for you! This was a difficult essay, but you did a good job. Some of this stuff is difficult to explain. Practice typing the sentences in the way I suggested and let me know if you have a question.

:-)
OP trang_bee 2 / 7  
May 7, 2011   #3
thank u,Kevin for correcting my essays.I intend to buy some books about writing,could you please tell me the suggestion? :D
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 9, 2011   #4
I intend to buy some books about writing,could you please tell me the suggestion? :D

Nice! Thanks for being a good example to the other students here. Actually we have a lot of people who, like you, are very proactive about improving their writing skill.

("Proactive" is my favorite word.)

So, I'll tell you my favorites. Anything by diana hacker, anything by ursula leguin, and most importantly Strunk and White's The Elements of Style.

:-)
OP trang_bee 2 / 7  
May 9, 2011   #5
wow,so amazing that u r friendly like this :X i feel glad to refer ur favorite books
:D
if u have time,pls check my lastest essay.It's a topic "children working at early age"i'm going to take Ielts exam so i wonder about my writing's marks a lot ,i hope u can correct mistakes and estimate marks for me ,ur sincere friend :D
writetip - / 1  
May 11, 2011   #6
Hi, I spent an hour on this essay for my own sake. I want to improve my writing skills. I re-wrote it using the basic ideas from the original essay. I hope it helps. I do also wish that someone correct and edit my writing, too!

Thanks.
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Nowadays ,the boom of technology bestows the world upon human's comfort and the economic development. It is undeniable that advances in technology have helped bring better economic development figures and improved quality of life in many parts of the world. There are some people arguing that along with the these above issues are the lost of traditional customs and lifestyles whereas other on the rest considers the benefits gaining from technology would rather be appreciated. Some people argue that technological development kills traditional skills and traditional lifestyles, while others on the opposite extreme, think that technology is the solution to all ills that have befallen on the world. I do not agree with both extremely disparate views. Growth in technology does not necessarily have to lead to the eventual death of traditional skills and lifestyles, nor should technology be taken as the Ultimate Savior of mankind.

In my opinion,the second point seems more reasonable.Firstly,it's undeniable that technology accompanies with the era of globalization and integration.This,and hence,is synonymous with the strength of improving technology in every country. Every society has its traditions and values that have been passed down to it from generation after generation. Many traditions and values, in their different forms and content, have oftentimes been helpful and harmless to the society they come from. Some traditions and values, on the other hand, have harmed the very society that has honored them for generations. There might be a number of reasons why certain societies stick to harmful traditional practices and values. Usually, it's out of necessity and lack of an alternative, but many a time, it is the result of inherited ignorance. Technology doesn't kill traditional skills. It actually improves upon them. Traditional skills serve as a base and foundation for the insightful wisdom people had in facing the challenges of their daily life with no advanced technology by their side. Technology may help sharpen things, reduce the amount of time and energy to do certain things, but the very basic art of the making of technology is manual and traditional.

There couldn't be any sensible argument to the point that a country shouldn't develop its technology lest it kills its traditional skills and lifestyles. With the right leadership and resources, a country can and should develop its technology without losing the helpful skills and lifestyles that it has been accustomed to. In fact, technology would help enrich and develop the useful skills and healthy lifestyles that a society honors for its uniqueness and well being. It's important that countries intentionally preserve their helpful traditional skills and lifestyles that have sustained them for centuries. Needless to repeat, they should keep them alive and growing.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 13, 2011   #7
Hi Trangbee, I'll check out that other essay. :-) Thanks for your kind words.

Writetip, thanks for joining our forum!! You obviously are the type of creative person that can help a lot of us improve our writing!
:-)


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