Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

IELTS task 2: The traditional skills and ways of life die out.


eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,198 464  
Mar 7, 2014   #1
Hello Frineds..
In this writing, I am working with Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource and Grammar. Please give me some feedbakc.

Question:
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. Discuss.

================================

Answer:

Technology has developed rapidly during the last twenty years. It opens opportunity for people to improve their quality since it is able to make everything gets an easy access to do. This situation leads us to stay away from several traditional skills such as writing, washing and making fire.

In this era, almost everyone owns a portable computer. Some people claim that they can't live without it. It causes many of us are no longer enjoyed to make note manually. Some people believe that hand writing is not efficient anymore as everything is requested in the form of soft file. So, when they write instead of typing it directly, it means that they have to do double jobs anyway.

When people own a washing machine, people tend to lose their skill to wash by hand though they realize that their clothes will be cleaner when they do it. They think that washing by hand is wasting time. Instead of spending hours only to wash, we could do other useful activities.

Another technology that is very close to human's life is gas stove. By simply clicking the button, we are able to get fire. We don't need to give some efforts such as rubbing stones or dry branches only to get fire.

Personally, I think technology has done a great job to make our life easier. Thus, it is true that we are hardly willing to do some jobs manually these days. However, should not be too paralyzed by technology. I believe that in a moment when we are not forced by deadline, we could still do many things manually. Sometimes, it could give us a kind of relaxation. Besides, these traditional skills are needed to survive when we are in the area without any sufficient technology provided.


Thank you :D

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Mar 8, 2014   #2
This is excellent writing, but you have not completed the introduction. How about this -

It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

You need to introduce the issue completely. Also, it is good to conclude your introduction stating your opinion though this prompt leaves you more room saying;

Discuss.

:D

It causes many of us are no longer enjoyed to make note manually.

It causes us not enjoying writing notes manually any longer.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 10, 2014   #3
It opens opportunity for people to improve their quality of life since it is able to make everything gets an easy access to do.offers more convenient and efficient solutions for every aspect of life.

Technology has developed rapidly during the last twenty years. It opens opportunity for people to improve their quality since it is able to make everything gets an easy access to do. This situation leads us to stay away from several traditional skills such as writing, washing and making fire.

It is nicer if you expressed your view on that before concluding your introduction although this essay is not Agree/ Disagree type. That helps you take the reader in your own desired direction.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Mar 10, 2014   #4
When people own a washing machine, people tend to lose their skill to wash by hand though they realize that their clothes will be cleaner when they do it.

Well, this sounds like an example and not a reason that you use to justify a particular opinion. Tell the reason first and then support it with a specific example (as above);

Modern technology offers more efficient solutions that help people save lots of time. For example, you can wash cloths much faster by using a washing machine in contrast to the traditional hand washing.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: The traditional skills and ways of life die out.