'traditions of predecessors and society' - IELTS TASK 2

Society advances most when people break from the traditions of their predecessors.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

There is an opion that advanced society could be achieved by segregating from the traditions of ancestors.
Over the past few years it seems that traditions are the main sources of a big development. For example, in Japan there were traditional methods of a building houses. These days demand on this buildings are increasing. And now as we can see Japanese traditional methods of building of their predecessors have a possitive impact on their economy.

But nowadays , it is often said that some customs such as building house and using livestock can also have negative influence on development ,like being lag behind the other countries. Take for example, Middle-Aged Asian people who were living in a small portable house. They were moving twice a year :to warm places in winter and to cool places in summer. By doing this, people could not constructed a huge cities like in Europe.

Personally, I believe that traditions do not influence to their improvement. That is because , they are just predecessors' old habits. And it is the rules which were been following by our ancestors.

To sum up , I tend to think that traditions of predecessors have advantages and also disadvantages, too. And even if it do not promote the society , it helps to establish an order to live.

Hi,
This essay consists of 219 words which is lower than the limit considered for IELTS writing Task 2 (at least 250 words). This fact can drastically decrease the score.

I think u should improve the structure of the essay. This is an "agree or disagree" type. The structure of this type should be like what I have stated below:

Introduction: (Motivator+restate the topic and at the last part you should say you agree or disagree with the topic. You should choose one, either agree or disagree, do not explain both because your are not going to compare two things (If you agree with the statement you should support this opinion in three paragraphs in the body and the same structure is also true if you disagree with the topic)

Body (it should include three separate paragraphs. At each one you must support a part of your opinion (agree or disagree)
Conclusion: (Restate the introduction or topic and then write an ending statement (clincher))

Hi

Your essay missed a lot of essay structures
I think you should follow a considerable plan to build your essay
try to get some help from a teacher or valuable IELTS book

Go forward and you will get improved

Best wishes

Hadi