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[IELTS TASK 2] Traffic congestion - the proposition of solution

bruceng 1 / 1 1  
Aug 2, 2017   #1
The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

free public transport service?

In recent times, traffic jam has been in the limelight and has aroused wide concern for the debatable effects associated with it. Although some people are of the fervent conviction that the governments should address this alarming trend by providing free public transport every time, I firmly disagree with this statement by virtue of the following justifications.

On one hand, public transportation systems play an imperative role in tackling the traffic congestion. First, investing public transport would decrease the total number of vehicles in a country. By way of illustration, a cutting-edge journal published by Florida State University revealed that the fewer number of private cars and motorbikes, the fewer locations witnessed traffic jam in urban areas. Second, this method will dip the number of traffic accidents leading to stuck in numerous locations. It is not until people experience traffic jam for hours on account of accidents caused by some drunk drivers that they gain full-scale awareness of the significance of supporting public transportation systems financially.

On the other hand, I am fierce in the assertion that the authorities should not provide this service for free every time. There is no disputing the fact that it takes an enormous fund to regulate as well as preserve this system and the congestion just locates in some specific places so that it can waste a lot of money. Hence, should governments provide this service for free, it might lose much money from citizens to reinvest this system. It is irrefutable that the unconsciousness of the general population with free items and services can exacerbate the problem. Damaged facilities in public transport like bus caused by people lacking consciousness lead to delay the transportation which affects to the public transport flow's quality.

In conclusion, it is possible to sense to convey the idea that governments should not provide free public transport service every time due to numerous aforementioned factors.

Please give me your advice and score prediction as well.
Many thanks

Shirely Fu 3 / 6 1  
Aug 2, 2017   #2
It is not until people experience ...

i think the last sentence of this paragraph is vague, not closely related to the previous sentence.

"it can waste" could be replaced with "it may waste or it will waste"
"it might lose much money from citizens to reinvest this system" not proper expression
too many sentences starting with " it or there"
three reasons is likely listed in this paragraph, including enormous found from government, reinvest this system and transportation delay".
there is no explicit conjunctions hence, this paragraph is not very good.

in general, it is pretty good in words and patterns
i am just a newcomer, so i will not grade this essay. Fighting!

Please give me your advice and score prediction as well.
Many thanks
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,022 2714  
Aug 2, 2017   #3
Bruce I believe that your score for this essay will not be more than a 1. That is because your response is totally unrelated to the task provided. You did a comparison discussion when you were being asked to defend a single opinion on the matter. The single opinion was to be discussed and defended through the presentation of the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the essay. Your prompt paraphrasing was confusing and your opinion as presented was wrong. Using the original prompt requirement, your paraphrasing and task sentence should have been as follows:

The problem of traffic congestion is something that the government has a hard time solving. Some believe that the traffic congestion problem can be easily resolved if the government would just offer free public transport on a 24 hour daily basis. I am not in agreement with this opinion to a certain extent due to several factors that I will be presenting in this essay.

Please note how I paraphrased the prompt using keywords from the original. This proves that I understood the topic for discussion and also, have a good enough grasp of English words so that i could accurately use them in sentences in my paraphrased statement. My discussion sentence also shows that I understand the instructions provided and that I had a clear opinion to be discussed later in the essay. These elements some of the most important considerations when writing an IELTS Task 2 essay. Try to use more keywords in your next practice test. I do not doubt that your score will improve immensely once you learn to use the keywords to your benefit.
OP bruceng 1 / 1 1  
Aug 2, 2017   #4
I really appreaciate your suggestion. It helped me so much.

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