More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries.
Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The number of children falling prey to obesity is rising every day in affluent nations. Unhealthy diet and sedentary lifestyle are some of the reasons for this urgent issue. This essay will discuss the causes and effect of this epidemic.
To begin with, it is fair to state that unhealthy food habits increase the risk of obesity among children. The excessive consumption of calories, sugars and carbohydrates have led youngsters to get weight. For example, if in my childhood we used to eat homemade food such as salad, rice, and beans, new children's generation has eaten junk food more than ever. Recent researches showed that school children in developing nations accounted for a whopping more than half of the customer share of McDonald's. As a consequence, youth in these countries are precociously suffering from diseases such as high pressure, cholesterol, and diabetes.
It must be also pointed out that a decline in the culture of outdoor sports has contributed to this epidemic problem. Youngers are choosing to stay home rather than to indulge in any physical activity. This has largely contributed to obesity amongst them, mainly in wealthy countries in which access to state-of-art entertainment such as video games and smartphones is facilitated. For instance, in a survey conducted by an American university, it was demonstrated that vast majority of children prefer playing virtual games to any outdoor activity, and this alarming statistic might considerably increase in the next years motivated by the rapid technological development. This has resulted in the rise of a generation that is not only lazy and obese but also lethargic and unhealthy, suffering from several health problems.
In conclusion, it is a fact that rich countries provide children with a wide variety of fast food restaurants and technological leisure options, which has influenced youngsters on keeping an unhealthy food habit as well as a sedentary lifestyle. The lack of a balanced diet and physical activities has made children overweight, being affected by serious diseases.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 The main reason why this essay will not reach your target band score is because of the evidence you presented. The discussion outline clearly states that your information must come from personal experience and / or your own knowledge. Yet in the discussion paragraphs, you referred to researched material twice. Once for McDonald's and the other for the American university. Both come from research information that you most likely did during your practice test. I am sure that you have read my other advice here that always reminds students to stick to the required examples for discussion. In this case, there is no chance you can do research at the center, so do get into the habit of doing that while you are doing the practice tests. Stick with personal experience and / or your own knowledge.
You could have just divided your first body of paragraphs into 2 paragraphs in this case. Clearly there is a break in the relationship between diet and technology. So you could have discussed the diet part extensively in paragraph 2 then the technology part could have been fully explained in paragraph 3. Remember, it is better to use one topic per paragraph to help increase your mix of complex and simple sentences. This type of presentation will also help your C&C score.
You did a somewhat good job in this essay. You still showed an ability to understand the topic and discuss it, albeit a wrong discussion format existed along the way. Just remember that you always have to double check the discussion format, discussion outline, and sources for the essay so you won't make a mistake. Make sure not to include research in any of your presentations.
