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General Training - Task 1 - Type: Letter of Interest - Subject: Walking tour in the mountains


Gaucho 8 / 15  
Feb 26, 2020   #1

writing letter to the tour operator



You saw a brochure for a one-week walking tour in the mountains. You're very interested in taking part, but you're not very fit and are worried you wouldn't be able to keep up. Write to the tour operator. In your letter:

· Explain why you're interested in the tour.

· Ask for information about dates and prices.

· Express your concerns about your fitness level.


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing with regard to a one-week hiking tour in the mountains, recently advertised in one of your brochures. Years ago, I used to go walking daily, having this exercise as my favourite hobby. However, what grabbed my attention to take part in this adventure was the possibility of enjoying spectacular sceneries as well as making new friends.

Your leaflet provided me with precise details about the tour, congratulations on the excellent work. Nevertheless, I could not find the dates that the hiking will take place and the range of packages available, including their prices. Hence, I would be delighted if you could send me this information.

I also have a concern about my physical condition. I have been leading a sedentary lifestyle, and although I am not obese, I am quite overweight. Therefore, I would like to check if there are any restrictions about the participants' fitness level that might impede myself to participate in the walking.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

Gaucho.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Feb 27, 2020   #2
When you indicate the range of packages, there is no need to indicate that you need price information. The package automatically includes a price reference. There is no need to congratulate the reader on the excellent work as your letter will not be sent to the PR team that created the brochure. As for your health reference, the proper question to have asked is whether or not a medical clearance is required for every person participating in the walk. This would have been indicated after you mentioned your health concerns. While you did cover all the bases as per the required information, your letter still could have been presented in a better manner. You need to focus on the C&C part of your writing skills for this type of essay.

You continue to show improvements in your writing. For this essay, I will be a bit conservative and score you a 6.5. There is still work to be done on the way that you present your thoughts in the presentation. Try to make sure that you group your thoughts into related paragraphs. For this essay. After you mentioned your walking hobby, you should have already included information about wanting to know about the health requirements of the participants. By presenting related information in the paragraphs, you will be able to improve your C&C score which, at the moment is the biggest scoring factor holding you back.


Home / Writing Feedback / General Training - Task 1 - Type: Letter of Interest - Subject: Walking tour in the mountains
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