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Translation of an article about remote work. (Needs revision)


Nasridean 1 / 2  
Nov 28, 2019   #1
Hi,

I want to know if it sounds natural. Your help is appreciated! Thank you in advance!

boss out of the office



Remote work is a trendy thing in today's business environment. If employees can work from home, then why shouldn't owners run their companies remotely as well? For example, resting on a beach or at a golf course. The main thing is to establish remote control.

"My domicile is an airplane of Aeroflot, place 1D," jokes the owner of the group of companies Sava Vladimir Sablin. Indeed, it is almost impossible to find him in the office, and when he answers a phone call the caller usually does not have an idea where the entrepreneur is located at that time. Sava conducts its activities in Eastern Siberia, Moscow, Kiev, China and Mexico. Over the past year and a half, Sablin has been to more than 20 countries of the far abroad, not to mention Russia and the CIS. However, the absence of the owner does not worsen the situation of the business. On the contrary, over the past year, the company's turnover grew by a third approaching 2 billion rubles.

In early May, Vladimir Sablin returned to Russia after almost two months of absence. Last year he was gone for about six months. All that time he was on round-the-world economic expeditions conducted by an international business school Executive MBA LWB. "We negotiate with embassies, universities - they arrange for us visits to their companies," says Vladimir Moryzhenkov. "In addition, we are fond of golf, and through local golf trainers you can get direct access to interesting entrepreneurs."

The number of countries visited by the business travelers is already more than ten. They studied English at Oxford, visited McDonald's Hamburger University in China, watched how asparagus is grown in the deserts of Peru. In New Zealand, Sablin learned that it is getting colder there, that houses need to be insulated. So, it is quite possible to enter the local market with modular houses from Bratsk. In Brazil, the niche of mini tractors is not yet occupied - why not enter that market? "It's impossible to find out about such things while surfing the Internet," says Sablin. And now he is wondering how to use the new opportunities.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,032 371  
Nov 28, 2019   #2
@Nasridean
Hi! Welcome to the site. I hope that the feedback you receive here gives you a clearer vision of what you should expect from the rest of the writing.

If you're aiming for a more natural or organic writing approach, I heavily recommend that you try to focus more on your articulation than anything else. For example, instead of saying that working remotely is trendy, you could have opted to describe it as the newest innovation in working. Notice how the latter has more weight to it than how it was previously described.

Being clearer with your language also goes a long way. Try to simplify the sentences on the last paragraph to ensure that you aren't going to be misunderstood in the rest of the text. Also, there's also a bit of confusion with the direction that you were trying to take your writing into. The whole link between "countries visited by business travelers" and the overall idea of remote work doesn't really flow well with the rest of the text.
OP Nasridean 1 / 2  
Nov 28, 2019   #3
Translation

Thank you for your feedback!

Yes, actually it is more about the business travelers than remote work.

But regarding the last paragraph, how should it be simplified? Should it be made shorter or used simpler words in it?

Is everything fine except the word "trendy" and the complexity of the last paragraph?
nsliwa 1 / 3 2  
Nov 29, 2019   #4
@Nasridean
Hi! I hope you find my feedback useful.

I'm not sure who the audience of your writing is but I would recommend some grammatical edits to improve clarity and formality. For example try to avoid the use of contractions (ex. shouldn't) and beginning sentences with conjunctions. "it is almost impossible" could become "it is near impossible" and "In early ..." could be changed to "... to Russia after nearly two months of absence; last year he was unavailable for almost six months." Also, if you avoided starting sentences with words such as "So" it would make your tone more assertive/certain. Your use of quotations validities your information, however, I agree with the previous comment in that the idea you seem to be trying to express is a bit confusing, if your piece is more about business travel rather than remote work than it would not make sense to have your introduction focused on remote work.
OP Nasridean 1 / 2  
Nov 30, 2019   #5
@nsliwa
Thank you for the feedback!


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