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Transport investments. IELTS Task II, Roads VS Railways.

sunraise2005 1 / -  
May 29, 2017   #1
Please help me to correct the essay on the topic "Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads". I have revised it twice and I am sure there still have many mistakes, please correct or comment, thank you for your time and knowledge.

railways or roads?

It is true that people hold different views on where should we investigate more money on transportation: railways or roads. I would argue that roads are probably worth more investigation if the available budgets are limited.

Roads are deserved more financial support for a number of reasons. Firstly, Most people are more depend on the roads than railway in their daily life, especially due to the fact that more and more people are choosing drive to work in recent decades, as a result of an increasing number of the private cars, traffic jams are frequently happened in rush hour due to the poor road condition or outdated road design, so it is quite urgent to improve the roads to mitigate the load traffic pressure in city which closely related to majority people's benefit in the city. Secondly, constructing a road is faster and easier, unlike a railway, road only requires basic equipment to be built, and the same budget can usually build more roads in terms of length in shorter time, hence obviously building road is more efficient.

But I guess there can be times when investigating on railways become more favourable, for example, railways appear to be more suitable to connect a long distance cities which could be hard to drive, in addition, railways carry more people than roads do. However, not everyone takes railway every day, but almost every one of us needs to walk or drive on the roads every day. Road has nearly become an indispensable part of the modern life

Taking all of the above considerations into account, I am convinced that roads are more important than railways and roads are deserve more investigations.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,853 2637  
May 29, 2017   #2
Yong, the main problem that you have work this essay is that you are not discussing it properly. Read the instructions again and analyze what it is asking you to do. The instruction is asking you to pick one side of the discussion and then defended it. So you should choose if you want to agree with the statement or not and then support and defend that point of view. Pick just one side to represent. This is a supporting opinion essay, not a comparison essay. So what do you have to do to fix this essay?

1. Properly paraphrase the opening statement, closing it with the opinion you support.
2. Don't discuss more than one opinion per paragraph so that you can develop a convincing argument. Present your strongest reason and develop it. You can present the second supporting opinion in a separate paragraph.

3. Develop a more appropriate closing statement that properly sums up your topic statement, reasons for supporting a point of view, and a restatement of your final opinion.

These are the required changes that will better assist you in developing an essay that it's more prompt adherent and will allow you to showcase all of your English writing skills.

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