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Transport by a train, airplane, underground, coach, bicycle, motorcycle, etc. should be encouraged


hayaalqasem 9 / 17  
Aug 29, 2015   #1
IELTS essay
The first car appeared on British road in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.
Alternatives forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use.
To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience or knowledge.

...
The private cars or vehicles are widespread all over the world. That is notable in developed countries such as the United of Kingdom where more than 30 million cars appeared during about 100 years. It seems to me that the idea of regulating the ownership of private cars are excellent for three main reasons.

First, although some people may disagree to legalize the number of cars walked in British country for comfortable uses , I hold the opposite opinion due to adverse effects on our environment which composes of air, land and water. As long as the number of cars increases, the pollution will spread every where to cause severe deterioration. For example: the emissions of cars produce the carbon dioxide which causes respiratory system diseases for many people and kills different kinds of wild animals. In addition, the wastes of old car or its constituents like tires which thrown and buried in land contaminate the natural sources of the country. So this is an inevitable way of polluting the sources of life on Earth which surpass the benefits of using private cars for individuals or small families.

To begin with the second reason that regarding an evident problem "The traffic congestion". For example, Hong Kong suffering this phenomenon due to population explosion there. If the government does not follow serious efforts to restrict property of private cars that will bring accidents, terrific congestion and wasting of times in all aspects. For example, workers students and doctors, or other companies in all sectors will be susceptible to adverse impacts on their performance and efficiency. The government must constrain the using of cars to reduce this phenomenon.

Finally, nowadays there are alternatives types of transport which are cheap, comfortable and speedy such as airplane, train, underground, coach, bicycle, and motorcycle ,etc. For example in India many small families use bicycles and motorcycle to get their destination. Another example in Japan built the most technological train in the world that transfer people among cities in few seconds and offer comfortable and prosperous services for travelers.

In conclusion, in my opinion there is no reasonable argues that warrant using private cars. The government must support the Transport sector and compel individuals to use it in their daily life. The human being should take upon the responsibility of saving our planet and creatures.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 29, 2015   #2
Hello, I can help you with your essay.

1st paragraph: I think you should delete the first word in your essay. You should begin the essay with the word "Private". I'm unsure what you mean when you state the numbers in the second sentence.

Here is a suggestion, but you should also look at your source: "This is notable in developed countries such as the United of Kingdom where more than 30 million cars appeared over a century." Since you use 100 years, I changed it to a century. The last sentence you should change the word are to "is".

As I was looking at your paper, I also thought you needed to identify the three main reasons, so I looked through the paper and I am going to suggest this change for your last sentence: "It seems to me that the idea of regulating the ownership of private cars is excellent for three main reasons: reducing pollution, preventing traffic congestion, and providing cheaper transportation modes."

2nd paragraph: I would suggest using the word "used" in the first sentence of your essay. Also you separate the word "every where". Those two words should be combined: "everywhere". The next sentence you should use a comma rather than a colon after "For example".

You could also state "respiratory diseases". The reader will know it involves the respiratory system.

This sentence needs a revision:
"In addition, the wastes of old cars or its constituents like tires, which when thrown and buried on the land, can contaminate the natural resources of the country."The last sentence you should place a comma after Earth and delete the word "small".

3rd paragraph: You should use a better transition. Here is a suggestion: "Another visible or evident problem is traffic congestion". Add the word "is" after Kong in the next sentence. Also, describe the population as "an increase in population". The next sentence change that to "this". Place a comma after workers.

4th paragraph: Change nowadays to "today". Place "the" before airplane. Place a comma after "example". Add "a" before motorcycle. This sentence needs to be in the past tense. Ex: "Another example occurred when Japan built the most technological train in the world that transferred people among cities in a few seconds and offered the comfortable and prosperous services for travelers. The past tense verbs are in bold to show you the changes in the sentence.

5th paragraph: Change argues to "argument" and warrant to "warrants". Change transport to transportation. I think the last sentence is confusing. You can be more specific in explaining how humans can reduce their use of private cars to save the planet.
OP hayaalqasem 9 / 17  
Aug 29, 2015   #3
Thank you very much
your notes benefited me

but I would like to ask a question why I should put "The " before airplane in paragraph 4 , I mean we put (the) when the word is specified is it right or not

what is the difference between transport and transportation

with deep respect
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 29, 2015   #4
Hello, I will answer your questions.

When you used "such as" you needed to use the word the. I will try to think of two different examples to help you:

"There are many different subjects to study in school such as math, science, and language arts." You don't need "the" before math in this sentence.

There are many different places to visit in the city such as the amusement park, zoo, children's museum, etc. This sentence you need the word "the" before amusement.

I think it is because they are vowels and because they are in reference to a particular thing (airplane, amusement park). It would be similar to using a or an. You would not describe an action as drive car. You would state, "drive a car". Also you would say, "flew in an airplane". You use "a" because car begins with a consonant and "an" because airplane begins with a vowel.

There could be many things you can transport or carry to its destination. Yet, transportation is very specific. It means the car or bicycle is used to get a person to his or her destination. It is their mode of transportation.

I hope this helps you to understand. These were really good questions! I know that their may be differences in many languages, but these were just some suggestions.


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