[Contributor] - / 8,801 2612
Aman, my opinion is that you cannot score higher than a 4 with this essay because you did not accurately represent all of the information that you were given in the illustration. For starters, you did not provide an accurate overview summary. The overview summary should have been presented as a paraphrasing of the topic and discussion instructions that you were given for presentation in the essay. The lack of this information created an incomplete first paragraph / opening statement for you. You will of course receive point deductions for every aspect of the illustration that you failed to represent in the summary essay, of which there are many. You failed to represent the various facilities and locations being proposed for the 2 different proposals, comparing the carried over suggested facilities whenever possible.
I would also like to call your attention to the second sentence of the second paragraph. When you say "For instance", you are expected to make a comparison between two subjects in the sentence. You do not have a comparison in that sentence. It is an incompletely developed sentence and will severely affect your GRA score.
It is because of these problems with your essay that I feel you will not get a passing score in an actual test. Make sure to correct the errors in your next practice test so that you can improve your overall score.
The most important part that you should put attention in this essay is the way you describing each part of the area based on the map. it seems to me that there is an unclear explanation in which you compare the location each other, bacause there is no place as the former. Moreover, the overview should be clear to get a higher score in task achievement. When I read your overview closely, may be it just about 5 for IELTS score, because you just explain it partially. In addition, try to use mix of sentence variation to boost your gramatical range and accuracy score. Then, in order to fit in coherence and cohesion, try to learn more about how to use phrasal verb properly.