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IELTS Task 1: Travel to and from UK and popular countries visited by BRITON


andial 21 / 48 3  
May 4, 2014   #1
Helooo fellas, long time no see :-). Please kindly need your comment on my IELTS task 1 paper

The charts below give information about travel to and from the UK, and about the most popular countries for UK residents to visit.

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The two graphs illustrate the number alteration of British tourists travelled abroad with that of International visitors to the United Kingdom over a-20-year period between 1979 and 1999 and the 5 major countries were frequently visited by British inhabitants.

Overall, traveller from and to the United Kingdom rocketed in the 1980s and 90s. What is more, most of the journeys set up by the Briton overseas were to 5 countries only.

As per information, the former initially leveled at approximately 13 million before climbing up to six fold at the end of the survey period. By comparison, the latter number saw a slight different which was less than that of the British tourists in the beginning and faced identical yet less intensive trends, reaching approximately half as high by the end of the century.

A more closer look at the second bar chart reveals that It can be seen that while France and Spain become the largest numbers of British tourists with about 11 and 9 million visits respectively, Turkey was the least popular among the five, travelled by only around 30% as many British as France.



SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
May 4, 2014   #2
A more closer look at the second bar chart reveals that It can be seen thatwhile France and Spain become the largest numbers of British tourists with about 11 and 9 million visits respectively, Turkey was the least popular among the five, travelled by only around 30% as many British as France.

... your sentence seem too long, and also make reader confusing. It is better for you to separate it. However, more than one sentence rather than one sentence for a second detail paragraph more well organized. Also, I am not an expert grammar, but my blue aligned make me confused,I just know "while" is rarely using next to "that" directly...
OP andial 21 / 48 3  
May 5, 2014   #3
Hi sekar...

... your sentence seem too long, and also make reader confusing.

..

Honestly, I did not mean to make you confused :-). Thank you so much for your meaningful feedback. It is highly appreciated.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
May 7, 2014   #4
This is a task which is aimed at assessing your report writing skills. Therefore the tone you adopt for this task should sound more formal;

What is more, most of the journeys set up by the Briton overseas were to 5 countries only.

... I personally feel you need to adopt a more report writing tone here.
It seems you follow an appropriate approach for this task.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
May 7, 2014   #5
I agree with dumi. You write quite well, but here you need to adopt a more appropriate tone for the task. This is different to IELTS TASK2 , the independent essay for which you experience much more freedom :) Further, I like if you included more data in your detail body paras. They seem to be a bit too sleek than they should be :D
OP andial 21 / 48 3  
May 7, 2014   #6
Hi Dumi .. Hi Pahan,

This is a task which is aimed at assessing your report writing skills. Therefore the tone you adopt for this task should sound more formal;

Actually I still try to imitate many patterns in order to find the best of my IELTS exam.. :-)

They seem to be a bit too sleek than they should be :D

I feel so too.. many thanks for your useful feedback
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
May 9, 2014   #7
Double graphs
Introduction: Write one sentence, but introduce each chart separately e.g "This first bart chart shows..., and the second chart illustrates

Short body:
Write 2 sentences. If the information in the charts is not connected, find one main point or general trend for each chart. If the charts are connected, try to make comparisons

Main body paragraphs: If the two charts are completely different (e.g. a graph and a table), write a separate paragraph about each.
If the charts are the same, and show the same information (e.g. 2 pie charts), do not describe them separately, the examiner will want to see comparisons.

In this case, you could write one paragraph describing all of the information, but it is still more preferable to write two paragraphs because it makes the essay look more organized


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