'to travel or work before starting their university study' - ILETS

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

The idea of working or travelling for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies has several advantages and disadvantages. In the following I will state the advantages and disadvantage regarding to my experience of working before starting my university study.

After I finished high school with an excellent grade I decided that I want to work before starting my university study. However, the time period that I supposed to work in was during the vacation which was two and a half months but I continued for a year before I started my study at the university. My parents were against the idea, because in their point of view I have the financial support I need and the type of jobs I should work in must be equivalent to the degree I am planning to study in university which is Industrial engineering. But I convinced them that working has many advantages other than providing the financial support. For example, it helps a student to become the responsible person that everyone can count on. Also, it gives the student the practical experience that will help him or her in his or her studying where he or she can see the subjects in the eye of a business man for example. Regarding my own experience I worked in a sales shop before starting my study in university, I learned the skills needed when I talk to a customer and I also learned how to attract customers to the shop using many small marketing campaigns I enjoyed doing, not to mention the benefits of having a salary at the end of month. I used the money I earned to get my car license, so I can borrow my brother's car when going every day to the university , I also used the money to buy some cloths without the need to embarrass myself every day in front of my parents when asking them money.

On the other hand there might be some disadvantages of working before starting studying in university, for example, it is considered exhausting and stressful at this age; I was working six hours a day and six days a week, and this type of work affected my health hugely knowing that I was not used for this type of work, I also missed the opportunity to go out with my friends regarding the target I am restricted to achieve.

Whether students decide to travel or work before starting their university study or not, they must be aware of the decision they make. After my experience of working, I suggest that the students should not work during this period and they should enjoy these times. After all, we all have the rest of our lives to work and work and work but we never have the ability to return this year back.

Thank you Tayo Awolusi :) It really helped !

Could Anyone give it an ILET score ?

Thanks :)

An introduction should start with a motivator. This introduction is too short. U should draw the attention of a reader by an interesting introduction.


do not copy the topic


Try to use the passive sentences.

Use your experience for supporting the topic sentences of paragraphs. The essay is just based on your experiences, but the topic asked you about the advantages and disadvantages of the issue in whole. This is an essay not a SOP.

After I finished high school with an excellent grade (is that point necessary?) I decided that I want to work before starting my university study

but I continued for a year before I started my study at the university(it is not essential to repeat this point. Repetition is the worst thing in the world!!!)

try to use plural sentences for preventing the use of "he/she").

U think that the disadvantages of the issue are more than its advantages, but in the essay you mentioned more advantages and the main part of the essay was allocated to advantages. I think u should focus on the disadvantages as a person who thinks the downsides of working for young people before studying at universities outweigh the positive points.

Another thing that I think u should pay attention to, is that the topic asked about "working" and "traveling", but u did not state any thing about traveling throughout the essay and u concentrated just on "working".

I cannot score your work as I am not an examiner. Do not think about the score and just try to improve your writing skills (organization, vocabulary, grammar, etc) and expose yourself to an extensive range of topics.

Regards
Ahmad

Thank you for the notes and the advice, I will spend the week writing then.

Thank you very much