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Travelers and Visitors - Review my IELTS task 1: The line graph


Aug 2, 2019   #1

percentage of tourists who reached some of Edinburgh's attractions



The line graph shows how many travelers' percentages arrive four different places in Edinburgh, where in Scotland, respectively.
Most people visited the castle from 1980 to 2010 while the number of visitors got the festival events is less than the rest of the places.
There was a slight increase of about 6 percent from 1980 to 1985 before It witness a sharp rise to over 40 percent in 1995. Over ten years, the percentage of Castle decreased steeply just only 35 percent before reaching the lowest point about 30 percent in 2010.

The tourist who got in aquariums extremely fluctuated between 1980 and 1990. It reached a plateau about 20 percent for ten years, then there was a decrease of over 10 percent from 2000 to 2010.

We can see that the trend for Castle was quietly parallel to Zoo' tourists. Meanwhile, the percentage of castle maintained stable from 25 percent to 30 percent, the number of Zoo just got to around 10 percent and reached a peak at 20 percent during the 2010.



s410377088 11 / 22 4  
Aug 3, 2019   #2
hello~

You need to rephrase your first paragraph since some grammatic issue happens in your sentence.

You mentioned details of the stats but they scatter throughout your article so it's hard for me to see a clear organize of your paragraphs.

Some sentences are quite confusing for me like "while the number of visitors got the festival ...", try to use a straightforward approach to say it

Best hope for your IELTS~~


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