Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK 2 - Traveling to many different places makes you more sophisticated


Ester Napitupulu 18 / 25 3  
Apr 6, 2016   #1
Some people like to travel to somewhere new and different when they go on holiday, while others prefer familiar places.
Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to visiting new places?


Travelling is a necessity for people nowadays. Many people like holidaying to the different destination, but others choose the same place. I believe travelling to new different tourist destination makes people more sophisticated than just touring to the place that people have been there before, although sometimes traveling to the new place makes someone more stressed.

By travelling people can learn disparate customs. It's one of the advantage when people holidaying. As people can live in and involve in the society's life and imitate their way of live. For instance, Japanese has unique tradition when they give greetings to the elderly people by bowing their head and stooping their elbows, it is a good experience that traveler can see only in Japan. As the effect of this, when they come to another country, they experiences a difference. Although a new habit can make some people more stressed, because it need an effort to adapt and sometimes many situation cannot be predicted. It conclusion, holidaying in new different destination will give new information, although it would be more stressed.

Travelling to the familiar place give secure feeling, people has experienced it before and they already accustomed to local's way of life. When people go back to the same place, they have memorized it, because of being seen, met or heard. Unfortunately, they get less new experiences and knowledge about others customs. It concludes that travelling to the different destination give secure feeling but less knowledge.

In conclusion, holidaying to new different tourist destination give another knowledge about local's custom, although there is a probability to be more stressed than go to the familiar destination. Where possible, it is good to travel to new different place, therefore you will be involved in local's way of life.

LaPolo11 12 / 28  
Apr 6, 2016   #2
In conclusion, holidaying to new different tourist destination give another knowledge about local's custom, although there is a probability to be more stressed than go to the familiar destination. Where possible, it is good to travel to new different place, therefore you will be involved in local's way of life

give another knowledge about local's custom, : enlarge people's horizon in term to the local's custome
you wrote your conclution properly, nonetheless I advice you put your personal; opinion/ suggestion,. it is imperative since reader want to know where do you stand on
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 6, 2016   #3
Ester, I can say that your introduction and the first body paragraph are better than your second body paragraph and conclusion. This is because you tried to make your essay well-organized on those parts only, but left the other two become your weakness points. My suggestion for you is that, try to be more consistent in organizing your essay in a proper way. By fulfilling those tasks, you are able to answer your task achievement clearly, which definitely will not escape the attention of the examiner. Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical errors, with corrections applied.

different tourist destination

different tourist destinations

different tourist destination

(avoid repetitive words) different tourism places

before, although

(if the position of 'although or even though is in the middle of the sentence, it should be without comma)

It's

(do not use contractions)

Japanese

In Japan, people... or Japanese people..

elderly

elder

can see only in Japan

can only see in Japan

Although a new habit can make some people more stressed, because it need

(if you put 'although' there, it is unnecessary to put 'because')
Although a new habit can make some people become stress, they need an effort...

an effort to adapt and sometimes many situation cannot be predicted.

...an effort to adapt to some situations which cannot be predicted before.

As you can see, I left the last two paragraphs to be revised in a proper order as I mentioned before. I hope this feedback is fruitful to you.

Good luck for your next essay.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Traveling to many different places makes you more sophisticated