Question:
Many people are travelling to other countries.
Why? Is it a positive or a negative development?
Answer:
Over the recent decades, offshore travelling has become a prevalent practice due to a variety of benefits in modern society. These are first examined in this essay before potential impacts of this trend are discussed.
Young people on their international trips frequently can either acquire practical experiences or further fulfil their job requirements. In fact, post-secondary students often defer their tertiary study for a gap year travelling to other countries. The pursuit is believed to help them cultivate a more well-rounded mind by both meeting different types of people and encountering various practical situations, thus gaining better human-resource management skills. These are demonstrated imperative in dealing with social loafing at workspace. Besides, by getting accustomed to cultural diversity at early age, they seem to excel in corporative tasks in their career prospects as global cooperation is more prevailing. This is especially significant as global teamwork requires not only personal competence but also the eagerness of youth.
However, there are certain risks if foreigners visit an overseas destination without appropriate knowledge on its norms. First, violating belief systems of a religion possibly leads to social ostracism or even physical conflicts. These are predictable since most easterners believe in a higher consciousness while many visitors from western cultures are atheists. Therefore, they should be sufficiently prepared with necessary information before approved with a visiting visa. Also, one might argue that travelling in formative age could results in hard-wired stereotypes if youngsters suffer from fraudulent activities during their journeys, such as robberies, batteries, or just tourism scams. Many research reports imply that the misunderstanding is likely inducing racism and discrimination which have aleady been rampant in the western world.
In conclusion, although international travel comes at a cost, the returns are still highly justifiable. It could be more plausible if travellers are provided reasonable precautions on cultural differences.
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Please evaluate my essay and feel free to provide any further comments. Thank you so much!
* Some of the exemplifications in the essay do not belong to any real evidence.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 So, you wrote a wonderful essay. The problem? It doesn't deliver the prompt requirements because you did not properly outline the essay in the first paragraph. Aside from paraphrasing the original topic, you were supposed to respond directly to the questions:
- Why?
- Is this a positive or negative development?
You were being asked a general question that required a general, not focused discussion. The focused discussion you created, in relation to students spending time overseas, is the first error in this essay. The second error, pertains to your continued failure to respond to the other question, is this a positive or negative development? It does not have anything to do with the preparation of travelers in relation to their travel. You also never said if you saw this as a positive or negative development.
Considering the actual prompt requirements, it appears that your essay deviated from the actual discussion topics required. It does not respond directly to any question asked since you changed the discussion requirements based upon your prompt paraphrase and question responses. You failed to show an ability to understand the basic discussion topic and discussion requirements of the essay. The essay does not qualify as a properly developed essay in relation to the given requirements.
To be clear, there is no problem with the information that your made up for the essay. The problem, is that it did not reflect the discussion requirements of the essay. Let me show you how you could have started off this essay in the proper paraphrased format:
Citizens have been making trips to various nations. I believe that this is because travel has been made easier by border-less nations such as the European Union. Personally, I I believe that this has resulted in a non positive advancement.
From there, the second paragraph should explain how borderl-ess nations have eased the travel restrictions, allowing the travelers to go from country to country freely. Then, the last reasoning paragraph should explain why you believe that border-less travel has resulted in a negative development for travelers or the countries people travel to.
The discussion format I suggested above would have resulted in a more appropriate discussion format for the essay.
It is such a wonderful essay. However, there is some suggestion to improve your essay :
1. You have not stated the clear statement in the introduction paragraph. It might be better if you mention directly which development do you prefer and give possible reason. The clear introduction lead the reader understand what will you talking about in the whole body paragraph.
2. The body paragraph should comprises ther Topic sentence as the main idea, the reason behind the issue you take, possible example (contain 5W+1H question) and the implication (future prediction)
3. The conclusion, pharaphrasing from the introduction is primary needed, while you should giving your own opinion as to avoid the repetition.
@Holt
@fatika3007
Sorry for my late response. I'm quite a busy little bee currently.
Thank you very much for your insight comments! I will give it a try in my next attempts.
