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The trend that damages our quality of life: Multinational Companies


salmav 8 / 27 4  
Jan 8, 2013   #1
Presently, Multinational companies (MC) have located offices in almost countries. They have brought tons of amazing products from other countries, which give people a wide arrange of options. There is no doubt that they have played an important role in globalization as well as economy development. However, this inclination apparently contains many drawbacks in life, and I partially agree with this thesis.

On one hand, as far as I am concerned, making profits is the first aim of any companies. MC are absolutely not an exception, so they try to invest new young markets, such as the Middle east, asia-Pacific and also some countries in South America. Most of them are developing countries, which means they will get large amounts of work forces. Moreover, they can make use of natural resources with cheap prices. And of course, they will make more much profits in those countries than in developed ones. In the long run, it is really dangerous to the countries, because some resources could be exhausted. Forests may be destroyed or people don't get high wages and lead to the decline of economy.

In addition, Multinational companies also import some products that are already being produced in the country. People tend to buy things from others richer countries as they think they could be better. Customers will depend on them and willing to pay the high price for those products, which is also another factor to affect the economy.

Last but not least, every cloud has its silver lining. Besides the weak points, Multinational Companies have plenty of positive points. They open many choices for us and bring us new things with high qualities. It is also worth noting that multinational companies give unemployed people jobs and chances to work in other places. I think those could be perfect opportunities for them to earn livings, gain more proficiencies and contribute to build up their countries to some extent.

Kitsumi 4 / 97 16  
Jan 8, 2013   #2
The prompt is asking you how much you agree/disagree. You haven't mentioned anything, you just listed the pros and the cons.
Do not use contractions.
Check your vocabulary. Some words may have the right meaning, but only in certain contexts.
I realize that the prompt is saying, "This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life", so I suppose using "us" is okay. As this is a subjective essay, try and add in personal experiences or your own thoughts.
OP salmav 8 / 27 4  
Jan 9, 2013   #3
Oh, thank you very much for giving me such worth feedback. I will check my essay again and re-write it :).
Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Jan 9, 2013   #4
Hi Tian,
Could you please evaluate my essay as well and help identifying my mistakes. Thanks :)

Thanh,
Tian has done thorough analysis on your essay. Hope no more evaluation required for this essay.
Keep trying until you reach the goal.

Good Luck!
Arun
joythblessy 86 / 272 15  
Jan 9, 2013   #5
hai..
Last para, it is better to start with conclusion or its synonyms...
From one hand===> on the one hand..
I am not prefering to use short forms (personal)

Read...read..read...more...
Tessy
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 9, 2013   #6
They have brought us tons of amazing products from other countries, which give peopleabandon options.

abandon means you leave something completely or desert/ give up.... here the word should be ''abundant" meaning plentiful.
My suggestion;
They offer very sophisticated and efficient products and solutions that leave people with so many options.

economy development.

.... economic develpment

However, this inclination apparently contains many drawbacks in life, and I partially agree with this thesis.

However, the multinationals have some negative influences on economies and therefore I agree with this statement to a certain degree.
OP salmav 8 / 27 4  
Jan 9, 2013   #7
I did replace the word "abandon" to "a wide range of", is it ok ?
"However, the multinationals have some negative influences on economies and therefore I agree with this statement to a certain degree." that is what I was trying to write, but I could not find words to express in academic way like yours. Thank you :x

One more thing, I have posted my re-wited essay above :)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 9, 2013   #8
I did replace the word "abandon" to "a wide range of", is it ok ?

That's fine. My intention was to make you understand the difference between "abandon" and "abundant"
Examples;
He abandoned his wife and children and moved to another country.
He is an athlete with talents in abundance.

"However, the multinationals have some negative influences on economies and therefore I agree with this statement to a certain degree." that is what I was trying to write, but I could not find words to express in academic way like yours. Thank you :x

Don't worry, as you go on practicing you would naturally get the flow. Read good essays under similar topics that would help you collect key words and certain sentence structures.


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