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Essay: A TRIP TO THE COUNTRYSIDE - the most amazing experience I ever had

HappyBoy2003 1 / 1  
Mar 4, 2018   #1
Can you help me with my mistake ! Thank a lot btw !

the non-city environment experience

Last year , i went to the countryside and it was an amazing experience i had ever had before.
We woke up in the morning and had breakfast then we waited at the bus station. We departed at 6AM and arrived at 8AM. It was a warm sunny day and of course the air was so pure and peaceful. Surround us are some paddy fields which had a beautiful yellow color. We went to the shrine, we put some incenses in a large copper incense burner. As we were quite hungry and tired we decided to sit under the big old banyan tree to had rest and a small lunch to regened our energy so that we could go to another sights. After that, we drove bike to the village which was quite far but when we arrived we didn't feel tired at all because the wind made us so relax, the atmosphere is great , and didn't have any traffic jam . Then we saw a lot of ancient houses which reminded my dad about those old day when he was a kid. The last place , and which was the best sight in our trip is the beach. We enjoyed swimming among the crew of fishes , we play beach ball with others . In the end of the trip we took a bus and got home at 9 PM.

It was such a great trip that I am never going to forget it
DoctorWho - / 46 29  
Mar 4, 2018   #2

It's always better if you mention what this essay is for.... as in School essay ( Creative Writing) , Graduate essay, an Exam, etc.

Organizing your essay is a very important thing. Spend a couple of minutes to jot down your ideas and content material and then give it an appropriate start and ending para.

There is room for a lot of correction.

Start the essay by mentioning the place. As in, you went to a particular place or village called *****.
You have explained the content in a very stiff way, like just plain data. Use more words and show off your vocabulary instead of just directly describing an event. There are websites like Thesaurus which will help you with synonyms.

Do correct the grammatical errors.
OP HappyBoy2003 1 / 1  
Mar 5, 2018   #3
So how to make the essay more attractively ? Thanks you for answering !

Should i use more transitions too ?

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