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"True beauty" is the good humanity


yangzom 2 / 7  
May 14, 2010   #1
Everyone does have their own view of "True Beauty." As far as my opinion, my true beauty is the good humanity.

I remember the day of my old school that we had discussion on the true beauty topic. Many of my friends were arguing that their true beauty is a girl with a sexy body and a nice shape. During that period, we all were young and we have no idea of these things. Only we can see was beautiful lady on a heavy make-up.

As we grown up, we now realized the true meaning of beauty. Beauty doesn't count as an external looks only. The main part of the beauty is the one's internal behavior.

For example; Nelson Mandela, Ghandiji, The Dalai lama, Martinlutha King and more. They are the one whom i do present as the "True Beauty". These are the people who severed their nation no matter what happened to them. Because of their true inner beauty, this young generation people eager to call them as a true beauty.

hey everyone,
looks like my essay has a lot of grammer mistake ... could you please check it and explain me well.
thank you.
Need help! truely!

meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
May 14, 2010   #2
Hi Tashi,

So sometimes you use "the" and sometimes you don't. I'm not sure why you do, but "the is usually used when we talk about something specific. Like I read the book. The beauty of the girl was in her hair. Sometimes you use the correctly, other times, not so. I'm not exactly sure how to explain xD Anyways, here goes~

(Just wondering, what non-English language do you speak?)

Everyone does have their own view of "True Beauty." As far as my opinion, my true beauty is the good humanity.

you don't need the does here because you are talking in a matter of fact way already. Unless you were talking in a pro or con situation, just write Everyone has*

You can shorten "As far as my opinion" to Personally I think, My opinion is that, or I believe that... That second my you don't need. I'm not sure why you use it:? Unless it's my idea of* true beauty...

I remember the day of my old school that we had discussion on the true beauty topic. Many of my friends were arguing that their true beauty is a girl with a sexy body and a nice shape. During that period, we all were young and we have no idea of these things. Only we can see was beautiful lady on a heavy make-up.

So more on "the" and "a"...a is used in front of nouns where the noun is more general. Ask if you want more clarification. the day at* my old school when* we discussed* the topic of* true beauty. so in "their true beauty," you again place the their by the noun. I guess it's a linguistic thing in whatever other language you speak, because I know that it's acceptable in Chinese too to shorten the phrase "their idea of beauty" to "their beauty" and mean the same thing. In English, we have to clarify. during that time* sounds better, but period is fine if you don't want to nitpick. We had* no idea. Had is the past tense, have is present. Because you are talking about the past, the entire sentence, as well as the next sentence have to be in past/imperfect (if you know how to use that. It took me forever to understand that English has an imperfect tense :]) We only* saw ladies with heavy make-up on* and thought that was beauty*. I think this is closer to what you are trying to say.

As we grown up, we now realized the true meaning of beauty. Beauty doesn't count as an external looks only. The main part of the beauty is the one's internal behavior

Are you using "As" for the "because" or "during" meaning? One would be
'As we have grown up, we have now realize the true meaning of beauty.' This would have the because meaning. Another would be
'As we grow up, we now realize the true meaning of beauty.' This would have the during meaning. I think you are going for the because one? an external look* singular noun. The main part of beauty* is in one's internal behavior*. What do you mean here? I don't quite get it.

For example; Nelson Mandela, Ghandiji, The Dalai lama, Martinlutha King and more. They are the one whom i do present as the "True Beauty". These are the people who severed their nation no matter what happened to them. Because of their true inner beauty, this young generation people eager to call them as a true beauty.

For example, ... and more _do what?_ are examples of such people?_ exemplify this type of beauty?_ Who are these people? Unless you leave out the "For example" entirely and just say "Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, the Dalai lama, Martin Luther King Jr.", then complete the sentence.

served* NOT severed O_o haha. this young generation of* people are (are eager to/eagerly) call them examples of* true beauty.

Overall, you just need to be consistent. English is tough, but you're doing well. Good luck on writing.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,341 129  
May 16, 2010   #3
Jon, that difficulty with "the" is a tough one. It is one of the reasons I often tell people to practice reading English aloud a little each day.

However, I don't think it is necessary to spend LOTS and LOTS of time perfecting one's English, because a new kind of language is forming in this globalizing world. Language changes naturally over the course of time... interesting stuff.

Thanks, Jon, I see you must be spending lots of time here!

I remember the day at my old school when we had discussion on the true topic of beauty. Many of my friends ...

During that period, we all were young, and we had no idea of these things. All we could see was a beautiful lady with heavy make-up. As we grew up, we realized the true meaning of beauty. Beauty doesn't involve external looks only. The main part of the beauty is the one's internal behavior.

For example; Nelson Mandela, Ghandiji, The Dalai lama, and Martin Luther King were all beautiful. They are the ones whom I do present as the "True Beauty". These are the people who served their nations no matter what happened to them. Because of their true inner beauty, the people of this young generation are eager to call them "true beauty."

:-)
babydoll 8 / 39  
May 16, 2010   #4
Great start on your Essay

I believe true beauty is part of person personality going beyond caring for other people.
OP yangzom 2 / 7  
May 19, 2010   #5
Thank you Jonathan, I am trying my best to improve my English writing. I don't know why i am always confuse about the grammer. I know present, past and future. Also the past perfect...,...,... and the rules of grammer. But whenever i try to write English, they is always grammer mistakes. Can you please give me some tips that will improve my writing.

Thank You!
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
May 20, 2010   #6
I think your grasp of English is really good actually, but it just takes practice

Tips on writing: For one, I know from trying to write in French, just keep writing. The more practice you get, the better you get at it.

they is

they are* :]
Also, remember that when you write, keep singular with singular, past tense with past tense, etc.
If you have to review English conjugations, go for it~

And another thing about writing in general, think about the ideas that you want to write about. Say them out loud, make an outline ( make a point, support it with some evidence, then show how that evidence supports the idea/point ) This will not only help with writing essays, but also with making any type of argument.


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