It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!
Prompt: Should we trust and accept common sense, or be skeptical of it?
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Common sense is a universal concept; it transcends language but speaks to every person without discrimination. Just like a shared conscience, common sense is the basis of all morals and values. Throughout history and literature, the belief in common sense has been shown to be favorable, no matter the circumstances. In order to progress, we must accept and trust our common senses.
Many times in history, ignorance of common sense has resulted in stagnant development. In colonial America, the settlers recognized that their basic rights and liberties were being uprooted by the British Parliament, which freely taxed and oppressed the colonists. It was not until the American society heeded the common sense of natural rights that they were able to muster the courage to revolt. Thomas Paine even titled his watershed pamphlet decrying the oppression of colonists by England "Common Sense," as it was exactly that which the American colonists needed. Through trusting their basic senses, the American people were able to progress from binding relations with England to national independence.
Literature has expressed the necessity of common sense as well, particularly in coming-of-age experiences. J.D. Salinger's A Catcher in the Rye exemplifies this. Holden Caulfield, a troubled teenager, repeatedly ignores the common sense advice his peers give him. Whether being pleads from his parents to behave more typically and respectably in public, or requests from his professors for him to remain in school, Caulfield ignores it all. It is this renouncement of common sense that leads Caulfield to stay completely put in his life, never maturing in his actions or decisions. By rejecting common sense, he prevented himself from progressing as a person, and eventually wound up in a mental hospital.
Although the consequences of ignoring common sense may not always be as drastic as a war or hospitalization, rejecting it can bring about a multitude of hindrances to our lives. Lack of attention to common sense inhibits our sense of basic values and prevents personal growth, as demonstrated by history and literature. In order to avoid this pitfall and advance further, common sense must be a keystone of our lifestyles.
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- Many timesOver time in history,
- ThroughT rusting their basic senses,
-ByIn rejecting common sense,
- common sense must be a keystone of our lifestyleslives .
There you have it, not much to correct as you have written a good essay, however I suggest that you practice writing more as it enhances your skills in the English language. Indeed, common sense is like warning from what negative outcome that might come along and we have to really pay attention. For over 30years of my existence, I've learned that common sense is the voice that one should listen to in order to advance in life.
Now, going back to your essay, I know SAT is quiet difficult however, I believe that your essay has a potential and I wish you the best of luck.
I would like to give you some feedback.
You have been practicing for quite some time. Your writing is getting stronger. When you discuss common sense, you tend to analyze it too much. Here are some helpful suggestions:
1) When you refer to common sense as transcending language this is excellent! Yet, think about those who suffer with the inability to process information. Can this speak to every person?
2) Also,using shared conscious is something that is confusing. Every person is responsible for his or her own actions.
3) I think the last sentence is your thesis. I see that you are answering the question. This is a good start.
The second paragraph fits well with your essay. The use of the title of the essay was excellent.
The third paragraph needs a transition word. You could use "In addition" and delete as well . When you use the word "ignores" this is easy to understand. You can delete common sense . Change being to "he".
I think you should continue the next sentence by explaining, "There are other pleas he ignores such as his parents requests to behave..." "Caulfield ignores it all" This should be a new sentence.
Outstanding final paragraph!
