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Trusting everyone; CBEST/ memorable childhood experience


clau089 1 / -  
Aug 28, 2013   #1
I need help with my writing, please be hard on me.

Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people. Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.

As a child, I was very immature and innocent. I believed in the good nature of individuals. My father used to tell me, time and time again, that trusting everyone could get me in trouble. However, I pay little attention to my old man's words until an accident change my viewpoint.

When I turned seven my parents gave me a bicycle as a present. It was beautiful. Dad also gave me a lock and warned me it was my responsibility to care for my gift. I did not understand why the lock was necessary. "The bicycle is just an object. Who would dare to anything to it?" I thought. It took a while to save enough money for the bicycle, a detail my dad forgot to mention at the moment.

One day my mother sent me to the store, which was six blocks away, to buy a few things for dinner. Once I got to the store, I left my bicycle outside. Some teenager were playing cards and I asked them "if it would be too much trouble to keep an eye on my bike". They assure me that I had nothing to worry because it was in good hands. I trust them. After I was done with the errands, I went to get my bicycle only to find out that it was not there. It took me a while to realize that those kids had stole it. I was in shock, paralyzed in astonishment, that someone could do something so malicious.

Disappointment was the only emotion on my dad's eyes. I understood the honesty is a trait that not everyone possesses. Trusting everyone can certainly get you in trouble, just like my dad told me. To this day I still recall his words and try to be more cautious about the people I relied
DillJone 3 / 4  
Aug 28, 2013   #2
Expand on the how it affects you part. That seems to be a crucial question being missed out. and revise "I understood the honesty is a trait that not everyone possesses. Trusting everyone can certainly get you in trouble, just like my dad told me. To this day I still recall his words and try to be more cautious about the people I relied" there's a couple grammatical errors and it does'nt flow very well to me
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Sep 18, 2013   #3
Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.

Well... you talk little about this experience, instead you talk more about your nature of trusting others. Therefore the focus of your essay is slightly shifted. First tell the reader your story of that memorable experience and then tell what you learned out of it. There is no harm in mentioning that you were so naive and believed everybody, but do not elaborate on it too much at the beginning. Give more focus to what your prompt requests.


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