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Truthfulness as the critical factor that contributes to sustaining a good relationship


junejulyapril 1 / 1  
May 27, 2019   #1

Always telling the truth



Hey, I am planning on taking the Toefl essay on August so I was thinking of posting my essays here for correction. My aim for writing is 26/30 so I hope through everyone's help on EssayForum, it is achievable.

Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people.

There are a myriad of factors that contribute to sustaining a good relationship. Personally, I believe that truthfulness has the most weight within individuals' connection. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

First of all, openness guarantees credibility among companions. In this day and age, obtaining trust is a crucial skill in building our long-term success which requires forthrightness in communication. If we are insincere towards our partner, it is unlikely faith will develop among our relationship. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. About two years ago, my friend and I launched an online shoe enterprise together. At the time, I realized that our operation was making a loss and investment in other areas was more profitable. As a result, I decided to put a considerable proportion from our budget into a well-known techonology company and lied to my friend that the money was used to pay for our shoe supply. She was lenient on my decision initially. However, skepticism accrued when our creditors pressurized our business to cover our order. This ultimately led my partner to discover that I wasn't being honest to her. Because of her loss of faith in me, our corporate venture ended and it was impossible for us to work together again.

Secondly, a friendship would cease if there isn't sincerity between two individuals. When we are deceived by a close friend, we would feel such a strong sense of betrayal that we no longer desire to have a relationship with them. For instance, my sister used to be close to the owner of a beauty-supplement business. Despite their strong bond, my sister had denied numerous marketing requests by her companion as she pledged not to advertise drugs to her online subscribers. Despite my sister's rejection, her friend still cherished her to the moon and would invite her to any promotional events to try out their latest beauty drug. Thus, when my sister promoted a rival cosmetic brand online, she betrayed her best friend and their unforgettable memories together. A rift gradually formed between the two of them and they no longer become acquantained.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that honesty is a crucial element in individuals' friendship. This is because duplicity would bring doubts between companions and potentially distance them.

Maria [Contributor] - / 934 337  
May 27, 2019   #2
@junejulyapril
Hi there!

Welcome to the forum.

I think that your writing is nice. You have quite a grasp of the language already. I would only recommend that you try to be cautious of the forms of the words that you are using in your use; I can tell that you have quite a difficulty when it comes to utilizing appropriate terminologies in the process of writing.

Additionally, I recommend that you become more cautious of the structure of your sentences, considering that you have a tendency to thinly stretch your content.

Observe the way that you construct your sentences; this will take you a long way when you are trying to create more substantive and strategic writing.

Remove unnecessary and irrelevant parts of your sentence.

Watch out for: preposition, punctuation, and the composition and flow of your text.

Let's revise a few portions of your essay in accordance to these guidelines.

[...] Personally, I believe that truthfulness has the most weight in individuals' connections. There are two reasons for this, which I will explore in the essay.

First of all, openness guarantees trust among relationships. In this day and age, this is a crucial skill to build long-term success; this will require forthrightness in communication. If we are insincere, it is unlikely that faith will develop. [...]


Notice how I had omitted terms that you had been repeating multiple times. Depth does not necessarily mean using complex language; rather, depth in writing is achieved through having more substantial content. If you can grasp this, you should be able to cultivate more meaning in your (future) essays.

Best of luck in your endeavors! I wish you well.
OP junejulyapril 1 / 1  
May 29, 2019   #3
@Maria
Hey! Thank you for welcoming me into this community.
Now that you pointed it out, I do have a difficulty in finding vocabularies and restructuring my writing.
Is there anything that you might suggest doing to improve these weaknesses?
Thanks a lot for the feedback and best of luck!
Dang Khoa 11 / 42  
May 29, 2019   #4
@junejulyapril
Just keep reading/listening books, magazines and stuff that you like, when you found a new word, just write it down and maybe you can make an excel and do just like me :).







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