Trying to paraphrase it to write introduction paragraphs (IELTS writing practice)

Your feedback is very welcome ! bold sentence is the questions, so I'm trying to paraphrase it to write introduction paragraph

As global trade increase, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be a transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
A number of countries are becoming producers of certain goods that we use in daily routine due to the development of global trade. Furthermore, this seems likely require more distance to reach its destination. Prior to this, there are two point of views regarding to this issue, first, some people stand on the notion that mentioned the drawbacks are more likely to occur in general, but I tend to say that there will be more weight on benefits when global trade development leads to multi-country cooperation.

In many country, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while the others consider it as valuable work experience

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.
The youth seems always categorized as non-productive class and often they are not considered to enter workplaces. However, hiring children as a paid worker becomes a reality which happened in many countries. There are several notions regarding to this issue, for instance some people believe that this could be a precious experience to be undergone, but I would like to say that such condition will lead to a totally disastrous children development.

Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school program (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Community service which trending in this day and age is non-paying activity that is performed by a group of people for the benefit of the public. In addition, a positive atmosphere in societies will result in practically. It drives high school to involve unpaid community service program as their necessary education program (for example, charity works, neighbourhood improvements, or teaching sports). While some people think that it is not crucial to be a compulsory part of high school program, I would more likely to agree that it will bring a positive ambience and benefit for student development.

Haloo jomul.. welcome to essay forum.It nice to read your introduction of IELTS writing task 2.. here some suggestions from me. Overall you have good ideas about your thesis steatments. You also have strong thesis steatements. But now let me talk about your structural especially in Exercise 3

Unpaid community service should be ...
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

And about your question, you do not need to use comparison between one idea and your prefer idea. I think your introduction in this part tend to be the answer for both opinion question. I guess for agree and disagree question we just make strong in point that we are agree without need to compare with another idea..

Keep spirit and break a leg
Thank you

Hi there..., let me give some valuable insight as per your short opening paragraphs.
It is always good to present you ideas exactly upfront, although some students trying to generate very simple claims, by doing such as





in their introductory paragraphs. Presenting ideas in the first paragraph helps readers understand what you will discuss in the following paragraphs since the ideas and sentences will move smoothly and logically from one to the other . More importantly, this approach gain you more chances to pass exam with flying colors.

Again, you need to keep your sentences natural as to good flow.


The idea that performing community service in daily life is the most valued by some people.

Hope this helps :D