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My two houses. Deciding to move to another house is a big upheaval for the entire family.


Mai_chan 1 / 3  
Nov 21, 2015   #1
Hi everyone , This is actually my first post in this site .. please review this comparison-contrast Essay . *also English is not my native language*

Deciding to move to another house is a big upheaval for the entire family . At first, I thought it would be hard to forget about the old one , but when I compared them , they seem different in a pleasant way .

One of the differences is privacy space. In my old house ,The rooms were tiny and close to each other , and I had to sleep with my two sisters in one room . Unlike the new one , It has two stairs and the rooms are more beautiful and wider than the old one . I have my own room and its bathroom that nobody can share it with me .

The new house has a big yard with a beautiful garden to plant different types of flowers and Roses and we like to set there and chat with each other , also children have more space to play with the neighbors . In contrast, the old house was smaller and we spent the whole time watching TV or setting in the living room .for example , when it's raining , we could just watch from the windows without playing under the rain.

The last difference is living in a big house most of the time is uneasy to elder people or sick people because they have difficulty with claiming the staircases , also we have a difficulty in moving new furniture and other items.

To sum up , There are advantages and disadvantages in both of them , but I prefer the new one because the streets are less noisy and the neighbors are friendly and I am satisfied with it.

So . What do you guys think ?? I am not sure about the conclusion .

Thanks in advance :)

aniani 20 / 20 13  
Nov 21, 2015   #2
Hi Mai_chan... Let me try to give some corrections and suggestion on your passage. Here it goes. :)

Deciding to move to another house is a big upheaval for the entire family . At first, I thought it would be hard to forget about the old(previous) one , but when Icompared(comparing to) them , they seem different in a pleasant way(they have different way for pleasure) .

One of the differences(alterations) is (about our) privacy space . In my old(previous) house ,The rooms were tiny and close to each other , and I had to sleep with my two sisters in one room . Unlike the new one , It has two stairs and the rooms are more beautiful and wider than the old one . I have my own room and its(privacy) bathroom that nobody can share it with me(I do not need to share with the others) .

To sum up , T(t) here are advantages and disadvantages in both of them (1) , but I prefer the new one because the streets are less noisy and the neighbors are friendly and I am satisfied with it.

1. I do not find your statement about the advantages of living in your previous house. If you mention it in your conclusion, you have to explain it in your body paragraph. :)
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 21, 2015   #3
Mai, this is not a bad start for an ESL learner. The compare and contrast topic is something that I can tell you know very well and were eager to discuss. However, you missed some points while you were discussing your essay. Let me offer some examples of discussion improvements in your essay.

When you say;

One of the differences is privacy space. In my old house ,The rooms were tiny and close to each other , and I had to sleep with my two sisters in one room . Unlike the new one , It has two stairs and the rooms are more beautiful and wider than the old one . I have my own room and its bathroom that nobody can share it with me .

The succeeding paragraph should present the comparison with your new house. Explaining in detail how the points you presented about your previous house differs from the new one. Talk about the room position, It should not be contained within the same paragraph of your essay. In order to completely compare each portion, you need to separate the old house discussion from the new one. Don't worry about the length of the comparison. As long as you complete it with at least 3 sentences per paragraph, you will be able to properly address the comparison and contrast topics of your essay. That is the normal format for this kind of essay. While your paragraph formation is acceptable, it could be better improved and also get a better grade if you develop your discussions further in each paragraph.
OP Mai_chan 1 / 3  
Nov 22, 2015   #4
OMG , thank you guys so much >_<

I am glad to see these reviews and I promise to edit it sooner !!! <3 <3


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