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My two life accomplishments fedback


mirianlandi 1 / -  
Sep 28, 2009   #1
My two life accomplishments

When I was fifteen years old I had to decide my vocation in high school. I was so exited studying science specialty in chemical biological because I knew that I had the opportunity to go to college and become a nurse, doctor, dentist, pharmacist, or veterinary. When I finish high school my mom did not support me but my father tried very hard to pay the bills. One afternoon, when he went to get the money from the bank to pay my tuition, he was assaulted and got hurt. I felt so bad for him, but he encouraged me to study so I started the college, but few moths later I decide to come to United States. That incident could have ended so badly and months later I just decide to leave all that, I was immature, I had so many ideas and was not able to control my life. I just wanted to work and enjoy my youth but his country changed me, I started to recognize all the opportunities around in New York and I learn to choose those that I can move forward toward my goal.

When I emigrated to United States I was nineteen years old. I encountered my first, but not last, taste of racism when I was looking for a job because of my English accent. So as fast as I could I learned English and I took ESL (English as a Second Language) classes every weekend. Even though I finished high school in my country I decide to take GED classes and I continued studying English. It was hard because I did not have time for me, but it was necessary to do that because that was my first step to come to LaGuardia Community College. I was afraid to go to college, convinced that I would fail; I continued putting off applying until one day that I came to the M building of this college and I applied. Since that day I did not stopped, I have to get my degree but that will not be the end, I plan to attend a four year college. I am taking control of my life and I stopped wasting my time and energy pursuing empty accomplishments that add no value to my life, I am studying.

When I moved to this country I not only had struggle for the language but also for every penny so I worked as a babysitter in Manhattan for two years. Later on I moved to White Plains and I worked with a family of one boy in that moment. I worked for almost 2 years living-in; during that time I found a sense of pleasure helping those children to grow up but I missed coming into work everyday, seeing people and talking with babysitters who were happy doing the same thing that I used to do before this job. On the other hand I loved to spend the time with the little boy, learning and seeing his potential, he learned in Spanish the alphabet, the numbers, the colors, the shapes, etc. Babysitting is not just a job, it is a relationship. Children need love, encouragement, expectations and ear to listen, a hug, a smile, and understanding and all that I offered to children. I have seen babies to sit up, crawl, stand, and walk and eat real food, it was an amazing experience. After those four years I can say that I found the sense of satisfaction and fulfillment that I have been looking for. Working as a babysitter made the difference in my life it inspired to teach.

Even though I finished high school in my country I took GED classes, at the same time I study English and work as a babysitter. Moving to this country help me to move forward to my goal, it was not easy but I could learn English and discover my aptitudes that helped to focus in one thing, studying to become a teacher.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 28, 2009   #2
You might wish to add some background information about yourself to the beginning of your essay. Apparently the incident with your father happened in another country? Which one?

Also, why are writing this essay? Is it meant as an admissions essay, or as an essay for class? It makes a big difference in evaluating it.


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